Scarleteen

I'm 15, and have tried masturbation countless times but I'm entirely unable to orgasm. Fo the longest time I was so scared of penetration, but I don't feel anything on my clit- no difference between touching my clit and my arm. And penetration with one finger doesn't do anything but there is no way I can possibly get a second finger in there, it just...won't go in even if I ignore that it physically hurts (even with lube). I kinda wanna try a toy, but I have no way of accessing one and don't want to spend my money when chances are- it won't even work.
I can't manage to orgasm no matter what I do, I can feel pleasure building- and no climax, the feeling is just there one second, and gone the next and I'm just slightly sensitive for the next maybe 30 seconds, and it's really frustrating because I want to be able to orgasm but just can't.

Hey there, CosmoPatch. Welcome to the boards.

Increasing arousal and desire as well as orgasm often have at least as much -- and sometimes even more -- to do with what's going on in our heads as they do with how we are touching ourselves or being touched. So, before we talk about anything else, I wonder if you could say a little about the headspace you're in when you come to masturbation.

Are you coming to it already pretty turned on, relaxed, and without feeling frustrated or worried about orgasm from the beginning? If so, are you able to stay in that headspace, or is not feeling what you hope to bumming you out pretty quick?

I only ever masturbate when I'm already turned on, and like 99% of the time I'm relaxed, the other one percent is because I'm not sure the door is locked after checking 10 times. I usually read some spicy book or smth. But I was raised without the stigmas around it and with a healthy relationship with my body and sexuality for the most part

Thanks for filling me in on that.

And are you coming to it focused on pleasure, or focused on orgasm? And, any chance you are bringing some of the frustrations you have been feeling around orgasm to it?

Can I also ask why it's orgasm you're looking to experience rather than pleasure? I ask because a single orgasm typically only lasts a couple of seconds, and without all of the experiences of pleasure that usually lead up to it, orgasm just usually isn't much of anything all by itself. It's generally all the feeling good that can also sometimes result in orgasm(s) that's the best stuff.

Focused on pleasure. I don't get frustrated until afterwards. But now this has me confused on what an orgasm even is. In books it's like this massive thing.

Thanks for that info, too.

But let's start by talking about this, then! So orgasm is an involuntary nervous system response. It generally feels like a release, a lot like peeing when you've had to go to the bathroom, and it lasts a few seconds. Because your central nervous system is involved though, that release is felt in your brain and neurochemically, rather than in your bladder. Of course, sometimes orgasms happen in multiples, and then those few seconds can feel like a little more.

But movies and books tend to both center orgasm in a way that it isn't in in-real-life very-satisfying sexual experiences and tend to exaggerate it. They also tend to use it as a sort of shorthand to say "really good sex is happening," even though they often only show the orgasm and little to none of the good sex that, in real life, would be the real main event. Too, if there wasn't a lot of pleasure leading up to an orgasm in real life, then the orgasm usually feels weaker or more blah than it will otherwise, and is less of a big deal period, because a release without a bunch of build up...well, doesn't really feel like much of a release since there's nothing for it to be a release from, if you follow me. What can make orgasms feel like they are described in books, when they feel that way (and they won't always, even when the sex -- including masturbation -- is great, because they happen in the whole, fickle system that our bodies are) is being part of all that buildup.

The whole of a sexual experience, on the other hand, can go on for many minutes or even hours, depending on what you do and how you stretch it out, and the pleasure involved can, too. It's that experience of pleasure that most people are actually after, with orgasm often associated with pleasure, or thought of/experienceds as a sort of exclamation point at the end of or throughout the experience.

tl;dr: orgasm is only the cherry on top of a sexual experience, when it's even that. The whole flippin' sundae is the whole experience and the pleasure that happens throughout.

Does that give you some more clarity and context around that?

Yeah, that actually explained a lot that I didn't know. Still confused about some things (like why I have little to no sensation in my clit and why I can't get more than one finger) but that info helps most of my questions

We can talk about those things, too.

Have you seen this article yet, specifically the portion about 3/4s in that explains the whole of the clitoris, not just the small portions we can see on the outside, the glans and hood?

https://www.scarleteen.com/read/bodies/ ... every-body

If not, how about you take a look at that and then we can talk some more?