Scarleteen

so when i was in my freshman year of high school i sat next to this kid i thought was kinda cute on the bus and our legs were touching and i kind of just left it there touching bc like i said, i thought they were cute. from what i remember they didn’t seem uncomfortable or try to move away and i think after a while i moved over a little cause i felt weird.

i know sometimes unwanted physical touch like subtle brushing up against someone can be sexual harassment, was this sexual harassment? i think i kept my leg there bc i thought they were cute so i was like oooo our legs are touching but now i look back and cringe bc did i harass that person? thank you

Harassment is mostly about power and exerting it over someone else. And what makes something harassment is intention: it's something someone means to do, and that they intend to do to exert power, like by making someone feel uncomfortable on purpose, making them feel like they have no choice but to endure their sexual overtures, like with sexual jokes or groping someone at work, and/or doing sexual things to them they know the other person does not want and would not reciprocate.

What you are describing is absolutely not sexual harassment. Your legs touched because you sat next to each other. You didn't do anything, you just didn't choose to move away at first, just like it sounds like they didn't choose to move away.

Can you understand the difference between harassment and your situation?

oh okay! ty! i didn’t know if it would be applicable to my situation cause i found said person attractive, but that makes sense

You know, sexual abuse, assault, harassment and other aggression rarely is about people being attracted to someone. Again, what it's really about is being attracted to the idea of having power over a person. In fact, plenty of times people who sexually harass people do NOT even find the person they are harassing attractive.

I really don't think you have to worry about this, but if you'd like a filter to run things like this through in the future to be sure you aren't engaging in any kind of sexual abuse, you can just ask yourself if you're trying to make someone feel *bad* or if you're trying to overpower someone in some way. If the answer is no, you're probably okay. <3