Scarleteen

So recently I’ve been having flashbacks of my past friendship w this girl and how I never treated her right. I never stood up for her when people were treating her bad and I in turn treated her even worse. She joined the boarding house just because of me and left the boarding house with a stomach ulcer and I feel that was my fault too. This has happened more than 3 years ago and I’ve never felt as bad as I do right now. I called her up yesterday and apologized for everything. she in turn said it was okay and she can’t hold grudges against anyone. I wasn’t satisfied with that answer. I was hoping to hear “oh you didn’t do anything wrong at all” Am i a horrible person for hoping to hear that?
Today we were having a discussion about people who treated her bad and she mentioned a person that really hurt her, In my stupidity, I went on to say that the persons poor behavior towards her makes me feel like I’m not such a bad person. She said that there’s a difference and that I was supposed to be her friend but I didn’t behave as such.

Oh, do I know this feeling! BabyTammy, I hope you know that this experience is extremely relatable. Sometimes it is hard in the moment to act the way you would want yourself to act. Then, afterwards, if you're an empathetic person, you reflect and feel guilty for it. I know that the conversation didn't go the way that you had imagined, but it sounds like a positive reaction on the part of your friend to accept your apology!

It might take some time for you both to truly move on from the experience, but the icky feeling you get while you process everything doesn't mean that you are a bad or horrible person. Everyone makes mistakes. When you do, what matters is that you can be accountable for your actions and say sorry.

Something that might feel useful is to ask your friend if there is anything she needs from you to move on. It's the final step of restorative justice and it can help people move from sorry to repair. Would that be something you think might help?