My mom is sabotaging me
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Alrieayucl
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My mom is sabotaging me
My mom has been super iffy about me going to college in another city an hour away from home. She was excited at first but she kept saying how she was excited for me to go a university that’s 20 minutes away. Since I was a freshman, I told her that I promise to stay in state but not in the same city where I grew up. Now that I told her I committed, she literally had a episode when my dad told her to do my fasfa (he can’t do it because he makes too much), crying, etc… My mom always get like this when I’m thinking about moving out and it’s like she doesn’t want me to leave home ever! I asked my dad what’s her issue since shouldn’t she want me to move out if we argue about everything but my dad doesn’t have a clue either.
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Andy
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
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Re: My mom is sabotaging me
Hi there!
Sorry to hear about this, it sounds stressful to be in this position! You know, the only person who can tell you why this is so upsetting for her, is her. If you feel up to talking about this with her, it might be an important conversation that would allow her to voice her worries, let you react to them and give both of you a sense of what this might be about. How does that sound?
There are many reasons why it is hard for parents to see their children move out, after all, they have often lived together with them and took care of them for years and that changing can force them to rethink their roles and identities as parents. And losing a sense of control likely plays a big role there too. But none of this in any way means you should be changing your plans or feeling bed for wanting to move out, quite the opposite! While it might hard for your mum, it has nothing to do with the validity of your choice, after all, you would move out eventually, sooner or later. So it is something she has to work through herself and with her own support circle, although openly talking about it can definitely be helpful for all of you.
I also want to let you know, that we are not the best resource to talk about this as it is a bit outside our usual scope and someone like a family therapist or school guidance counselor might be much better equipped to help out with this! Do you think your mum would be open to those? Would you like some help accessing such help?
Sorry to hear about this, it sounds stressful to be in this position! You know, the only person who can tell you why this is so upsetting for her, is her. If you feel up to talking about this with her, it might be an important conversation that would allow her to voice her worries, let you react to them and give both of you a sense of what this might be about. How does that sound?
There are many reasons why it is hard for parents to see their children move out, after all, they have often lived together with them and took care of them for years and that changing can force them to rethink their roles and identities as parents. And losing a sense of control likely plays a big role there too. But none of this in any way means you should be changing your plans or feeling bed for wanting to move out, quite the opposite! While it might hard for your mum, it has nothing to do with the validity of your choice, after all, you would move out eventually, sooner or later. So it is something she has to work through herself and with her own support circle, although openly talking about it can definitely be helpful for all of you.
I also want to let you know, that we are not the best resource to talk about this as it is a bit outside our usual scope and someone like a family therapist or school guidance counselor might be much better equipped to help out with this! Do you think your mum would be open to those? Would you like some help accessing such help?