Scarleteen

I would like to share my story here.

My mom's best friend and her family would regularly come on some weekends over the year for two nights, and I would sleep in the same room as the son who was the same age as me. He knew a lot more about Sex than me, at a very young age. We were 5 when it started.

Trigger: descriptions of what happened (not too detailed)
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He would ask me some sexual act and I would refuse but then he would convince me in some way. He would suggest role playing games where in the end we would do sexual acts definitely not age appropriate. I do not remember saying no but also think I did not really understand what happened. He would tell me that he was lonely and sad I think when I did not wanna play, I don't remember well. This went on until we were 9 years old.
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End of descriptions

So I think he was reenacting things he might have been watching or experiencing himself. But as we were little, I don't know if he understood he was causing harm or intended casing harm. But he was kind of manipulative, trying to convince me to get my ears pierced and stuff like this.
So when it says in the article, it is only COCSA when the child intents harm, and that mostly it is a much older child to a younger, does that mean that in my case it was not COCSA?

Thanks a lot for your answers.

Hi Cyathea,

Thank you for sharing your story and for your question. What is most important to remember about sexual abuse is that it encompasses any sexual interaction that was not desired by you. The example you shared involved your repeated refusal and has clearly caused you discomfort. Therefore, it was not consensual which would qualify it as sexual abuse.

Our list of red-flags in the article is a non-exhaustive list of dynamics that occur in these abusive scenarios. Examples of healthy childhood expressions of sexuality would not include the repeated play time that you experienced where one child is coerced into doing something they do not want to do. As the article mentions, the child-on-child sexual abuse term is generally used by professionals. When it comes to life experience, more important than assigning a category to your pain, it is most important to identify your personal relationship to what happened. If it makes you feel violated, that is the most important red-flag of all.

It sounds like this is something you have processed a lot over the years. My heart goes out to you that you have had to comprehend and recover from that experience. Are there any other parts of it that you would like help thinking through or anything else you would like help with?