Scarleteen

This is gonna sound like a mess but idk how else to write it!

Ok so basically I see my boyfriend about once a month (neither of us drive yet + we go to separate schools now) and pretty much every time I see him, he asks if we can kiss. Every part of me wants to say yes so bad but I always end up saying no or just shrugging my shoulders and looking away and getting really anxious. Just last night we were hanging out and I told him no and when he asked why, I had no reason for him. I know I don't need one and he himself had said that but it still sucks yk? And it sucks even more bc the time before I saw him last night (about a week ago) we made out and he was the one who initiated. I enjoyed it alot so I don't get why I freak out and get really anxious when he asks permission to kiss me.

I don't know what to do because I want to kiss him so bad but every time he asks, I just freak out and I have no clue why. I feel terrible about it and I'm pretty sure it makes him feel bad to ask and then have me decline. I have no clue what to do.

Hi sunjuice and welcome to the boards!

I am really glad to hear that you and your boyfriend both understand that saying 'no' is enough, and a reason is not required. That sounds really healthy on both ends. However, it does sound like when you made out it was really enjoyable and something you would maybe like to experience again. Does this sound right?

Can you help me get a clearer picture by describing some of the thoughts you have when he tries to initiate kissing?

I’m quite late replying but me personally I would wait until you feel comfortable while hanging out and then slowly getting your words out [ex: So you know when you ask if we could kiss, I really want to say yes but I always get to nervous I don’t know why, I really like you and enjoy hanging out with you. ] or if you don’t want to use something like that you could write a letter or poem or even you ask if you guys could kiss.
I hope this helped you. xx

Hi there, Sunjuice

I agree with Charcoal13 that it is best to wait until you are comfortable, and I like that they mentioned communicating about how you are feeling . Would initiating yourself instead of being asked make this feel less anxiety inducing?