different dating paces

[tinygoblin]

i've been dating a person for 1 1/2 months, we met three times so far, and i developed a crush on them. i did not really expect to see myself wanting to go in a more romantic direction with them, so i told them recently and asked them about their expectations. they were still very unsure what they wanted out of it, did not have romantic feelings but offered me to go on at least two more dates and have a couple calls in the next six weeks to see where this is going, as they preferred a slower dating pace. this is making me incredibly anxious. i really like them a lot, but they are busy with work and prefer to meet me not that often as i would like to see them (we have meet rougly every three weeks so far). i feel like i'd be okay with dating more slowly in terms of giving them space to sort out their feelings, but i would like to see them more often to get to know each other faster and in shorter distances but at the same time they also want to text less, and had not as much time for our last date as i wished they would have. i feel like they do not prioritise me as much as its important to me to get to know them. i realized that i'm really anxious but i also feel like this is not working out even though they offered more contact and meeting me for two more friends to check out if this is romantic or more platonic. i've decided that this is too stressfull for me and i'd rather be friends, especially as i worried pressuring them with a conversation around clarity and wheter they would like to give this a chance or rather be friends directly. but they really how clear i was and that it gave them orientation in dating. they said they respect my decision to rather stay friends then to date, even though i brought this up, but they also gave me the impression that they didnt care that much anyway and when they said they understand that i'd rather be friends now they sounded really sad.
i'm really torn right now on if this was the right decison. i really like them but their unclarity makes me anxious, but im secretly hoping that if i give them space, they might develope romantic feelings. on the other hand, even though i like them and i feel safe, we don't know each other well and i'd like to date people who want to meet more often and with whom i feel reassured that they like me.

[Tara]

Hi, tinygoblin:

Thank you for reaching out. This does seem like a tough situation between the changing feelings, differences in pace and availability, and spotty communication. I think you are approaching your decisions mindfully and with respect to both your needs and the other person's wishes. I agree that giving this person space is a good option here since they a) are not necessarily meeting your needs and b) have given you the impression that they would like to go more slowly. If that is the case, giving this person space may be one of the most important things that they need.

We don't always know why people are different from us or have different preferences/styles, but the reality is they do and in dating relationships that means having understanding, compromise and respect as long as it is not harmful to our wellbeing. It would be awesome if this person just needed some space and was able to show up again ready for relationship if that is what you desire (and it is okay that you still have that desire), but its also possible that they may not want to start up a relationship after giving them space and in that case you will know a little more about what YOUR desires are and can take those forward into different dating relationships.

I am sorry you are feeling conflicted about this relationship right now, but I do think you have made some wise, thoughtful decisions that at least shows this person you respect them. I hope the best possible outcome for you with this and one that you are at peace with.