This probably doesn't fall into the assault category but I just had some things happen to me over the summer and wanted to get one of the incidents of my chest.
For a while I was just feeling numb and kind of just wanted to talk to someone so I started talking to people on this dating app. at this time I was 17 and the guy that I met was 23. For some reason I was almost making a false reality in my head that he actually wanted to get to know me and just talk but after looking back at the messages now I realize that he only wanted one thing. Before we had met we were talking for about a week but he lived near by and I just wanted to be around someone. In the text he was always bringing up me giving him oral but I would always just ignore it and told him I will see how I feel when we met.
One day I waited for my mom to leave the house and I told him he could come to the pool parking lot in my neighborhood. He had parked in a corner and I got in the car. I remember I was cold and nervous while also avoiding eye contact. I tried to make small talk for as long as I could but I could tell he was getting bored and just wanted me to do it already. He kept rubbing my shoulder as I kept saying that I was nervous and scared but he said that I had no reason to be scared. He took his manhood out and started touching himself so I knew it was already too late. He kept rubbing me and I finally leaned over in his lap. The whole experience was really gross. He turned the music down and all I could hear was him. I didn't know what the hell I was doing and felt so weird. He was touching my butt and pressing down on my head and pulling on my hair telling me to touch him and go faster. He ejaculated in my mouth and I was disgusted. He got a bottle from the back so I could spit it out and for some reason I just blanked. I can't remember what happened but one minute I was spitting and the next minute the bottle was out of my hand. After that he asked what I was doing for the rest of the day and it almost felt like he was trying to get rid of me so I got out and walked home. After that, I didn't hear from him for about a month and a half and one day he decided to text me. He was saying how much he missed it and said that we were actually supposed to have sex that day. I ended up saying no for almost 2 weeks and finally blocked him. For weeks and sometimes even now I flinch just thinking about it or can still feel his hand on me or the salty taste of his semen in my mouth. I hate myself.
Giving oral when I really didn't want to
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
-
Hadiyahis1
- newbie
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2025 11:07 pm
- Age: 18
- Awesomeness Quotient: I am calm
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she,her
- Sexual identity: bisexual
- Location: U.S.
-
Latha
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 1199
- Joined: Sat May 22, 2021 8:13 am
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: Queer
- Location: India
Re: Giving oral when I really didn't want to
Hello and welcome to Scarleteen, Hadiyahis1!
Would it help you to know that you won't see any judgement from us from what happened here? The only person I would judge in this situation is the guy you met.
No matter how long we've known a partner, we owe it to them to be considerate of their needs and careful about communicating in a way that doesn't put too much pressure on them. That is just basic decency, but by this not-too-high standard, it is clear that the person you met didn't do right by you as a partner. It was obvious at multiple points that you were not comfortable or enthusiastic about doing anything sexual with him, yet he went ahead and pushed you into it anyway.
A partner who was minimally respectful would have stopped. They would have shown more interest in what you wanted. This person took advantage of the fact that you felt alone and unsure to get what he wanted instead. That just isn't okay. I think it makes sense to think of this as an assault, because none of what happened seems properly consensual to me.
I am sorry to hear that this experience has left you feeling so uncertain and scared. It sounds like you blame yourself for what happened, when it only reflects poorly on him. I am glad you felt okay talking about it here, though. We would be happy to provide support around this--we can also talk about how your summer went, and how you've been feeling otherwise. How does all this sound to you?
I want to leave you with two articles of ours, both about sexual assault:
Would it help you to know that you won't see any judgement from us from what happened here? The only person I would judge in this situation is the guy you met.
No matter how long we've known a partner, we owe it to them to be considerate of their needs and careful about communicating in a way that doesn't put too much pressure on them. That is just basic decency, but by this not-too-high standard, it is clear that the person you met didn't do right by you as a partner. It was obvious at multiple points that you were not comfortable or enthusiastic about doing anything sexual with him, yet he went ahead and pushed you into it anyway.
A partner who was minimally respectful would have stopped. They would have shown more interest in what you wanted. This person took advantage of the fact that you felt alone and unsure to get what he wanted instead. That just isn't okay. I think it makes sense to think of this as an assault, because none of what happened seems properly consensual to me.
I am sorry to hear that this experience has left you feeling so uncertain and scared. It sounds like you blame yourself for what happened, when it only reflects poorly on him. I am glad you felt okay talking about it here, though. We would be happy to provide support around this--we can also talk about how your summer went, and how you've been feeling otherwise. How does all this sound to you?
I want to leave you with two articles of ours, both about sexual assault:
-
- Similar Topics
- Replies
- Views
- Last post
-
- 10 Replies
- 1368 Views
-
Last post by Anya
Wed Nov 19, 2025 8:21 am