boyfriends

[confused_teen]

I have never really been in a relationship before i guess Im not pretty enough even though a lot older guys say I am and they want to date me but they could be me father or close to my fathers age. Like in there 30's or 40's and i dont want to be with someone that much older then me. I feel like I have a big magnate on my forehead that says creepers welcome. Im open for business. All I get is the creppers and just thinking of a 40 year olds penis freaks me out. I mean I am only 14.

[Emma]

Good on you for having the instinct to steer clear of people that much older than you--people of that age who prey on younger people (ESPECIALLY minors) are not good news. Telling a trusted adult (parent, teacher, guidance counselor) about these "creepers," who seem like they're making you uncomfortable, would be a good course of action.

A lot, if not most 14-year-olds have not had any romantic or sexual experiences yet--there is no "right time" and there's no rush. Many people your age aren't ready for relationships, it has nothing to do with your looks and convincing yourself you're "not pretty enough" will just set you up for body image struggles down the line. Do you want some tips on self-appreciation and self-care?

[confused_teen]

yes please that would be nice. I have a half sister who is almost 23 and she likes to go for older women or men like in there 30's

[confused_teen]

is that wrong or something weird? I just want to help her she is a little mentally unstable right now.

[Ashleah]

HI confused_teen,

I'm a little unclear on what you mean. Can you clarify please? Are you asking if something is wrong or weird about your half sister being attracted to older people?

[Heather]

I think it might be helpful to remember that when it comes to life experience and human development, the difference between someone in their mid-twenties and mid-thirties is actually smaller than it is for someone in their teens and someone in their twenties.

If you are concerned your sister isn't in good mental health right now in general, then you can certainly ask her if she wants your support with that right now. But if there is an assumption being made that who she is choosing to date, based on age (and in an age range that really is awfully close to hers), is all about mental instability, chances are that's just not a sound assumption.

[confusedteen198]

but is it ok if someone in there early 20's likes someone in there early 30's or late 20's?

[Keda]

I think it's okay for anyone of any age to like anyone else of any age, so long as both people are genuinely interested in and caring of each other, have things in common which work as the foundation of a relationship for them, respect each other and feel like each others' equals in the relationship. The problems that often happen with age gap relationships - especially where teens or people in their early twenties are concerned - is that they're not actually genuine on both sides; often the older person is taking advantage of the younger person's lack of relationship experience or skills, to mistreat them in a way which an older partner would probably spot and get away from. Some people decide that the easiest way to avoid being a victim of a person like that is to avoid age gap relationships altogether, while some people will get involved in age gap relationships but keep an eye out for signs that their partner is abusive, which after all, can happen in any relationship - it's just a bigger risk with age gaps.

The main site has a good piece on what some of the signs of an unhealthy age gap relationship can be: Why I Deeply Dislike Your Older Boyfriend