Scarleteen

Anya wrote: ↑Wed Oct 22, 2025 11:26 am Hey hardcorefrerard,

It's exciting that you want to try new things with your boyfriend! I'm happy to hear you've already spoken a bit about boundaries and that kinda stuff as it can often make sex a lot less stressful than if you feel like you're just guessing though it all. As i'm sure you know, there is no one-size-fits-all timeline, and it's totally okay to to take things at your own speed!

I think our articles Mouthing Off On Oral Sex, and What's Sex would be great for you to give a read, and something you can either do alone or with your partner at any point is run through our Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist .

Once you've given these a look let me know how you're feeling!

Heather wrote: ↑Wed Oct 22, 2025 11:39 am Hey there!

I want to add something for you to think about that I think might help you change how you are thinking about this.

The idea that we can do oral sex "wrong" is flawed because it assumes there is a way -- and more impossible still, one way! -- to do it. But there isn't. Not for everyone, by any means, as we are all so very different, including with different partners, that would be impossible, but not even for any one person.

Instead, there's just us feeling out -- and using the help of clear communication -- what feels good for us, as the person whose mouth (and probably also fingers, eyes, etc.) is involved, and our partners, the people whose genitals and maybe other body parts are involved. We're deciding what to do based on what feels good to us, and then using information and feedback from our partners to be sure we are also doing what feels good for them. Sometimes there will be crossover in those things. Sometimes there won't be, and then we need to find it.

But the exploring part is where the real stuff is: what's supposed to be fun and exciting, and where we really connect with each other. It should feel like exploring a new neighborhood, or a new restaurant, or a new genre of fiction, or a new language, or a new way to style your hair. With those things, ideally there isn't any pressure to make "right" choices, because our focus is instead just on following our interests and our bliss, you know? This is how any kind of sex should go, too. We're not looking for the "right" way, we're just exploring, together, what feels good for us both, and then going with the things that do feel good for us both or that seem to be leading us in that direction. We're aiming for an open-ended experience where, who knows what we will discover, rather than any one way or ways of doing things that ticks a box for someone or results in orgasm.

You might also want to think about why you feel so nervous, and maybe talk about that together. I'm sure the stakes feel real high now that he's moving, and that's part of it, but what else? Sometimes we need each other to help take the pressure off in situations like these. Having his reassurance he just wants you to be there, present, exploring this with him might go a long way. <3