Scarleteen

I’ve been struggling for a while with feeling unhappy with the way my body looks. There’s a ring of darker skin around my anus that pisses me off. I don’t know how to make it match the rest of my body and it’s annoying

Hi there, Gravity!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling so unhappy with your body. Would you like to talk about why it feels off and annoying to you?

I just feel like I’m not going to be soft or cute at all because of genetics. I wish I had a way to make my body appear less masculine all the time without risking suffering more dysphoria

Hi Gravity!

I’m also so sorry to hear you’ve been feeling this way. It sounds like you’re discovering how you like to present and are navigating that alongside feelings of dysphoria. Could you explain a little more of what you mean by suffering more dysphoria while seeking a more feminine presentation?

I’ve had some people recommend taking hormone therapy to help me feel less masculine. I just worry about the negatives of this.

I constantly worry that I’m going to be judged as a male in queer spaces due to being born male. It’s a fear I don’t know how to tackle, as the main reason I don’t want to appear masculine is how uncomfortable I feel being related by gender to some of the most disgusting people I know.

I know it’s probably a stupid worry or reason for my hatred of my birth gender. I also despise the fact that I’m starting to find men attractive- I feel like I have way too many insecurities

Hello, Gravity!

I wouldn't say that your worries are stupid. I think a lot of people can relate to being scared of men due to negative experiences that they've had. It is also far from unheard of for that to complicate feelings about your own gender and presentation. I know it isn't easy to tackle these fears and disentangle their influences, but you can take time to work through that. As it is, there is nothing wrong with exploring femininity to see how it makes you feel.

Would it help to remember that being a man doesn't inherently make people act badly? When these things are related, I think it is because that behavior is taught and enabled by certain societal structures, and they make a choice to continue it.

If I may ask, what are the negatives of taking HRT for you? Would you say a little about the insecurities you mentioned?

I’ve realized that being born male doesn’t make me a bad person, however my brain keeps saying that I’m never going to escape the stereotype.


I have a few worries when it comes to HRT,

1) it feels kind of selfish of me.
2) I’m worried that if I do go through with it, I would ruin any form of sexual relationship in the future due to dysfunction
3) I’m afraid that I might grow too big of a chest
4) I don’t want people to think I’m a trans woman.

I haven’t done a ton of research on hormone therapy, so I may be wrong about a lot of this.

Hi Gravity!

I am not well versed in HRT but we do have a few articles about it! Here's one that explains what to expect in general: Trans Summer School: The Magic of Hormones!

First of all, if you decide that HRT is not for you, that is completely appropriate! Since you sound somewhat curious, something you may not know is that some people take androgen blockers which do not develop breast tissue but limit facial hair and spontaneous erections. And, just to respond to one of your concerns, you are correct that hormone therapy could impact sex for those who are on it. Have a look at our resources on HRT and let us know if you have further questions about them!

You mentioned that the discomfort you feel is largely related to feeling judgement from others for being in queer spaces. I am wondering if there are aspects of your own self-expression and image that don't align with how you feel? Or is the mismatch often related to how other people think of you? Each is distressing in their own way so I want to make sure we understand where you are coming from.

I have a small issue of having a transgender sister, I don’t want to go through all these hormone stuff in the current living situation. A part of me feels selfish or greedy, or like I’m doing this for attention. I just don’t know what to si about it

As for the later question. I worry people considering me to be invading queer spaces due to being AMAB. I’m not sure how that would exactly work out. I wish I had someone I could talk to about my issues and have them understand, but as far as I’m aware, I’m the only one going through this issue in my friend group.

Gravity, I am so sorry you are going through this, are feeling judged, and don't feel that you have anyone to talk with about it. Is therapy an option for you? I know it can be really helpful to have an unbiased professional to talk with when it comes to gender and identity issues. If that is not an option, do you know of any other support groups or networks in your area? There are definitely people out there who have similar concerns as you and would be supportive.

I want to remind you that you are not invading queer spaces. There really aren't hard and fast rules about gender, sexual orientation, or how someone chooses to be.

I know I’m not invading. My brain has just been a jerk to me. I think I mainly need to worry about my feelings of dysphoria before I tackle any discrimination issues

Gravity,

It can be so hard when we know the facts, but our brains still beat us up.

Would you be open to exploring other options that might make you feel more feminine, besides hormones? And like Tara asked, is therapy something you have available to you?

Best of luck!

I would be interested in options other than hormones. And as for therapy I don’t really have the best experience with it. I’m open to trying it again but I just have a busy schedual and no car.

What sort of exploration have you done with clothes, hair, and jewelry? That's a common place people find flexibility with gender expression because you can try on different styles temporarily while you decide what you like!

On the therapy side, we are happy to help you find something! Many practices offer telehealth or therapy over the phone to help eliminate the and travel commitment. If you would go ahead and fill out our contact form (which is only viewed here by staff) with either your city or a zip code works fine we'll be able to help you pinpoint something accessible.