Scarleteen

When I was younger (around 6) I met a girl (she was around a year older than me) on holiday and we got along well and our parents got each others contacts. We saw each other a lot after that, since she lived in a near city. Over the next 3 years or so she wasn't the bestest of friends and was quite toxic towards me in away and introduced me to sexual content when I was around 7-8. Anyways, fast forward 3 years time, I'm 9, she's 10. She was staying at my house for a change and we were sharing the sofa as a bed and then she suggested we do some 'role plays'. Now that I look back these were quite weird. She recently told me what Rape and sexual assault were and about the 'fire trucks don't stop at red lights'. She insisted we do roleplays on stuff like this, with her being the one doing the touching. I was uncomfortable about this and said no, but then she started threatening about how sad it made her and how she wanted to kill herself. With her pressure I said yes even though I was still uncomfortable. It wasn't anything 'extreme' just touching my thighs, and well rubbing against me, I said stop but since it was a role play on sexual assault, she continued (but she didn't go any further than touching). This only happened once but we did some other roleplays like pretending to be a lesbian couple (but again only with the rubbing and touching but I was also doing it as well as her). She knew I felt uncomfortable as I told her but she again said about how sad she would be, so I said yes again. It's been awhile now, I'm a teenager and I last talked to her a bit after that when we had an argument and fell out. Forgot to mention but she was seriously mentally ill, her mum was on drugs (she told me about this) and she lived with her grandma who was mad. I have no idea whether this counts as SA or not and I can't bring myself to tell my mum about what happened.

First, I want to say COCSA or not, I am very sorry this happened to you. You’ve shared that it made you uncomfortable at the time, and it seems to be something you have thought about since, seeing as you are seeking guidance here.

When we talk about consent, we are looking for a ‘yes’, but that ‘yes’ is so nuanced. For true consent, the yes needs to be freely given without force or manipulation. It sounds like that was not the case here, as you said she threatened to end her life. Using our emotions to coerce someone into saying yes, makes that yes inauthentic.

From what you described, this situation was non-consensual and therefore an instance of COCSA. What you choose to call or label it from here on out is entirely up to you. I have an article that might bring you some clarity on that. COCSA: What It Is, How To Know if It’s Got Anything To Do With You, and What To Do If It Does

You also detailed the hard childhood she had. I wonder if you mentioned this as a line of reasoning for why she did this. Either way, that is not a reason to cross a boundary.

How do you feel after reading this?