Sexual Pleasure

[sandy_beach]

Hi! I'm a 22 y.o female (and haven't had sex before). Even before medication, I had a hard time feeling I suppose what I think is sexual pleasure. I orgasm very quickly at times, only once, and it's relatively weak. I just get so fatigued and then unmotivated to do much else, which I know is natural because of hormones released during orgasms. I've tried vibrators, dildos, my own hands (which seem to work the best?), but I am still not happy with how I feel. Even when I try to create a mood or be sensual about it, it doesn't really work. I've experienced chronic stress and, like I said before, am on medication for (health) anxiety. I'm not really sure what to do at this point and would like to experience sex/masturbating at a similar level as everyone else.

[Latha]

Hello and welcome to the boards, Sandy_beach!

I'm hearing that you are not feeling connected with your body in the way that you would like or feeling much pleasure during masturbation, despite the fact that you've been intentional about trying different things and learning about about how sexual pleasure works. That sounds frustrating! I'm sure you know that there isn't a single straightforward solution for these things--if there was you would have found it already. But we can definitely chat about how you might think about the issue/what you could do to develop a more pleasurable relationship with your body.

The first thing I want to say is that difficulties with feeling pleasure are common when people start being sexual, and can turn up at any point in life. You are far from alone. If you take a look around the boards, you'll find that there are so many people who feel the same as you do.

Also, it really is completely fair for you to want to feel more pleasure, and to take steps to figure out how that might happen. That said, comparison can be a thief of joy--while we explore what you could try, I hope you won't feel pressure to compare yourself to other people. Trying match their exact experiences might get in the way of learning about what your own pleasure feels like.

If I may ask, what happens when you try to create a sensual mood? How does it feel in your body? What thoughts come to mind?

[sandy_beach]

I suppose most of what comes is in my body. My brain is pretty empty at times. I just don't know what to think, so I try to be aware of how my hands feel on my body. It's pretty lacking in terms of actual thoughts. Maybe that's the problem? My clit is not really that sensitive either, and it's smaller than average, I think.

[Anya]

Hi sandy_beach,

Can I ask if you feel like sexual pleasure is something you actively want or maybe something you "should" be feeling at this point? In reading your initial question, I had myself wondering what the root of the desire might be here. I think if we can figure out why you want this right now, it'll help us understand how best we can move forward. What thoughts come up for you about this?

[sandy_beach]

That's a good question. Because of my chronic stress and anxiety, it's made my emotions sort of twisted up; things I shouldn't get very upset about, I am, and things I should be more upset about (eg: death, etc), I'm less upset about. Things have been better since medication (eg: reactions to anxious events are less intense), but the part about feeling joy or some internal peace is not. I'm going to try *meditation* to see if that makes me a little more connected to my body in that sense. But to answer your question, I think before masturbating, it's something I want, but during it just feels like a means to an end. All of my sessions are 'quickies'.

[amber]

Hi sandy_beach !

I think anya brought up a great question here. It seems to me like those 'stronger' emotions associated with pleasure may be similarly effected like those feelings of joy you described. As mentioned, our physical bodies are only one part of our body's experience of orgasm and sexual pleasure.

Meditation and trying to feel present could very well be helpful for sexual desire and pleasure as well.