Shame and Sexual Frustration

[crazycatlady13]

Hi,

I’m really struggling with some sexual intimacy in my relationship. My gf, who just recently began Zoloft, has lost her libido and hasn’t had the desire to have sex. It’s been months and I’m very sexually frustrated. I’ve started masturbating more than I’d like to, and although we’ve made intimate videos in the past, they don’t seem to fulfill my sexual desires anymore. This isn’t because I’m not attracted to her, but because I’ve watched them so many times and it’s difficult watching the same thing over and over again without any physical gratification to match it.

I’ve been on Zoloft myself, so I know the negative experiences with libido and sexual health. I’m in no way upset with her, but I’m holding in my feelings and frustrations because I know she can’t control it. She’s planning on getting off Zoloft when she goes to a psychiatrist soon.

Additionally, I’m a worrier and have anxiety, so what I’m about to confess is hard to accept. Since our videos aren’t doing the trick right now, I’ve turned to porn on various occasions. I don’t like doing this and I feel an immense amount of guilt for it. I’m beyond in love with her and only have eyes for her, and when I’ve watched porn videos, I imagine sex with her. I try to fight my temptation to watch porn, but I can’t seem to fight it. She knows how much I want to have sex, as I’ve vocalized that many times, but she doesn’t know the extent of my sexual frustration.

I’ve held in both my sexual frustration and this secret. I feel horrible and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I just need support and help.

Thank you in advance.

[char]

Hi crazycatlady13, welcome to the boards

I'm sorry to hear that you're having issues with intimacy. It sounds like you're experiencing pretty intense feelings while not always having the outlet to express them to your partner. As you've shared on your post, you understand that using medications like Zoloft can impact one's libido, but your sexual frustration regardless of the circumstances is completely understandable.

I'd like to ask a few questions for you to reflect on (and share whenever you feel like it). First of all, how do you usually channel non-sexual but equally intense feelings when they come? Do you think these channeling methods can be helpful in managing your sexual frustration? I'd also like to know what made you decide to not share your deeper worries with her. How have discussions on serious topics like these been going between the two of you?