Scarleteen

Me and my partner (also 18) have been together since the end of last year. i love him more than anything and we both have a really good bond with each other.
My partner struggles with BPD, and though this has never impacted our relationship at all before, i'm really starting to struggle with being there for him.
In the last 3 months, i've started to have worsening health issues, and i feel like i can't talk to him about them. He asks me a lot if i'm feeling okay / how i'm feeling etc, but if i'm truthful about how i'm feeling, even just saying i'm feeling poorly, this leads him to have panic attacks and get overwhelmed. He means the world to me and i really hate to see going through emotional turmoil. I can respect this is from a place of fearing abandonment, he has mentioned before that he gets scared of something happening to me (i was spiked in September in a Bar and had a very bad reaction, which is where i think this stems from). It's getting really hard to be able to talk to him about how i'm feeling and i feel like i can't be truthful with him about certain subjects out of fear for his reaction, as i really don't want to cause him any emotional stress. We've talked before about things we can both do to help, such as more open communication, locations on etc but it just feels like now these aren't helping either. I just don't know what i can do, i don't want to lie about my health to him but also i don't want to keep causing him turmoil.

Hello and welcome to the boards, Newvegas2010!

I'm sorry to hear that your partner's BPD and your worsening health issues are not going together well, and that this has made it difficult to communicate with him about your health without him becoming distressed. This really is a difficult conflict to have with someone you love, so I'm glad you reached out to us!

When the two of you have talked about the things you can do to help, has that included any plans for how your partner should respond when you confide in him about how you are feeling? I think having a purpose and feeling like you know what to do can go a long way towards making it easier to manage feelings of panic... What kind of emotional support would help you when you are feeling poorly? What can he do for you when you are having negative symptoms?

Too, does your partner have access to mental health support of any kind? Guided practice might help him learn to stay calm and handle the sorts of thoughts that cause him to panic. Therapy could also help with any trauma that underlies his fears of abandonment.