Scarleteen

Hello scarleteen team :D

I'll get straight to the point-

I suffer from pretty intense paranoia and anxiety, to the point my brain cannot be rationally reasoned with and always jumps to worst-case scenarios whenever literally anything that could cause something negative to happen to me happens. I also have severe tokophobia (which you can probably tell from my previous posts on here lol)

Me and my bf always used the BC + pulling out buddy system perfectly (I take my combined bc pills perfectly on time every day and he always pulled out wayyyy before he's about to cum), but even that didn't help my anxiety. Literally nothing I do helps my brain realise that the pill is something I can trust. Long story short, I've been abstaining from PIV sex due to my anxiety for about 4 or 5 months now, but I'm realizing that this is in no way the way I wanna live my life and need help/advice.

I'm also not really willing to use condoms. They do help with the anxiety, sure, but the few times we've used them they felt reallyyy bad (no matter what brand/type we use, they always create this uncomfortable friction-like feeling??? also they dry me out really fast so then it gets even more uncomfortable. and yes, that somehow happens even with lube. Ive kinda grown to hate condoms with a passion ever since I realised how much better sex is without them.)

So uh... Is there anything I can do to make my brain actually believe that my bc pills work? Or at least ease the anxiety? Any help would be greatly appreciated

Hey again, Ray_Yay.

Since what you are describing are actual anxiety disorders, the very best thing you can do when it comes to this is to get qualified help with those disorders. The way to work with your brain with things like this most effectively is to work with someone who has the education and training expressly to work with people with anxiety disorders.

We can help you learn how to use condoms better so you can add that backup and have things still feel good if you want, but truly, getting help with your anxiety from someone whose job that is will be the best way to go. Do you know how to seek out that kind of healthcare?

Hi!

Okay, this at least confirms stuff for me. I haven't really gotten help for my anxiety yet and thought it might not be that serious (I tried solving it with breathing exercises and the like... Which always worked for like 2 minutes at best, so I kinda just thought I'm doing it wrong). So this is at least the final push I needed to get actual help, thank you.
Now I just need to do it without my parents knowing somehow (long story short: they're pretty unsupportive, dismiss me whenever I bring up anything mental health related, and so I'm like 99% sure they wouldn't help with this). Do you think a school psychologist could help? Also, I've heard that gynecologists can prescribe anxiety medication, is that true? My gynecology appointment should be in like 2-ish months, so that's why I'm asking.

Hey Ray_yay

I’m so glad what Heather said served as a good push to receive professional support for your anxiety. I’m sorry to hear, though, that your parents are unsupportive of this kind of help. We know that anxiety issues are common and everyone who struggles with this deserves care!

A school psychologist can certainly help you with this, and they may be able to refer you to more specialized care too if it turns out that’s what might help better. Is there one at your school that you feel comfortable talking to? You can also ask them about their privacy policies before speaking with them to ensure they won’t contact your parents.

A gynecologist can prescribe anxiety medication, but particularly with anxiety issues it’s really important and helpful to be able to talk through these issues alongside medication. I would certainly still tell your gynecologist that you’re struggling with this, though, and they may be able to refer you to help too without alerting your parents. How does that sound to you?

Hi!

Yeah, I do feel very comfortable talking to my school psychologist. I've been there a few times already and brought up my anxiety a bit, but I haven't really been there BECAUSE of anxiety yet if that makes sense. Like... She knows that I'm an anxious person, but I've never told her about the severity of the problem. I will schedule an appointment with her and try to talk to her about it though. I also know that she has several friends who are therapists, so now that I think about it she could even help me get therapy...
So yeah, I'll definitely talk to her abt this asap

Therapy from someone outside of your school psychologist would be great, but even if for now it's just opening up more about this to your school psychologist, that's still good. Let us know if we can help with anything!