Scared to give head on men

[girlwgagreflex]

Hi! I am new here, and I am also new to being sexual with someone else.

I recently had my first time at 22 y.o. and it was very nice and consensual, but I noticed that giving head was difficult for me. I found I have a gag reflex, and when i tried to "deep throat" I gagged and felt silly for it.

So, my question is, do gag reflexes go away with practice? And if so, what are tips and tricks to fix my predicament. I am all ears and just want a little feedback on how I can do it better?

(I just got my first real boyfriend, and I want to be able to have sexual fun with him, but I am scared ill mess up when I give him head.)

[char]

Hi girlwgagreflex, welcome to the boards. And congratulations on your first romantic relationship!

There isn't really a regimen that'll get rid of your gag reflex entirely. Our gag reflex allows us to prevent getting choked or swallowing something that's dangerous for our bodies, so it's not something you can stop experiencing. According to my research, the chances are higher for someone to gag (be it in sexual or non-sexual activities, like swallowing a pill) when they feel anxious. Since this is only your first time giving oral sex, it's completely normal to be anxious and gagged. Even folks who have given oral sex for years gag too from time to time.

The key here is to continuously communicate with your boyfriend about this; partnered sex is an activity two or more people share, and everyone needs to communicate their needs to have a good time. If and when you know you're about to gag, it's important to let him know if you're uncomfortable and want to take a break or do things a bit differently. This may seem obvious, but sometimes we may forget that what we see on sexual media (like porn) isn't reflective of reality. Some people might find it easy to "deepthroat" their partners, but others might find it completely undoable, and that's okay.

I feel like these articles can help with your question too:
- Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
-Making Sense of Sexual Media

How does this information make you feel?

[Heather]

I want to also add to what char said about the idea that using your throat in oral sex is common and something everyone can do is an idea that comes from porn more than real life.

In real life, it's not particularly common, both because it involves knowing how to relax your throat in a way that you'll often find is common only among those of us who have had vocal training or other related things AND it feeling good to the person whose throat is involved often has a lot to do with the size of a partner's penis. If you or your partner have the expectation this is something both of you will necessarily want to do or be able to do and have it feel good, that expectation may need some adjusting.

Know, too, we also can't mess sex up by our bodies being bodies. Things like gagging, coughing, burping, choking, slobbering, and other normal physiological responses when people are engaging in oral sex with any kind of body parts are all things that happen on the regular, and that we should all figure are okay to happen, because sex isn't supposed to be a perfomance, it's supposed to be an experience. Get what I mean?