How do I tell if I have a crush on someone if I don't know my emotions?

[andperseand]

I think I might have a crush on someone, but I'm not sure, and I am very, very, bad at identifying, distinguishing and realizing I am having emotions. I've been sort of assuming I'm aromantic, but I don't actually know--maybe I just don't realize it? Is that functionally aromantic? How do you distinguish between a crush and "this person seems cool, I want to hang out with them and get to know them"? Are they the same? I wouldn't think so, but I don't know.

[Becky]

Hi andperseand! Welcome to the boards!!

So this one can be a little tough! The long and short of it is that you'll have to figure out what you want from this person as you get to know them. It can be difficult at first because there can be lot of overlap between "I think this person is cool and I want to be friends with them!" and "I think this person is cool and I want to date them!"

But hopefully I can give you some helpful things to keep in mind as you get to know this person!

Typically, when someone has a "crush" on someone it means that they are interested in them romantically. Now, yes, romantic feelings can be hard to define as everyone is going to experience things differently. But typically we're referring to desiring something that goes BEYOND friendship. You might be physically attracted to this person; you might fantasize about cuddling with them, kissing, holding hands, or more. You would probably also desire a relationship with them that is more exclusive than a friendship would be like going on dates and spending more time together rather than with other friends or in a group. You might think about them a lot (or all of the time!) and feel flustered or excited when you are with them. You might feel sad or a little jealous if they started dating or showing romantic interest in someone else.

Now a "squish" as it is affectionately called within the Aro/Ace community refers to having a "friend crush" on someone. Meaning you think they are really cool and interesting and you want to get to know them and spend time with them and become friends with them. You might even think that they are really good-looking or have a really cool aesthetic! But even if you recognize that they are good-looking, you probably aren't physically attracted to them. And you aren't experiencing a desire to be physically intimate with them.

For more info on crushes, I definitely recommend checking out our guide: Quickies: Crushes

Also, if you're interested (and just for fun!), our staff has actually put together a playlist with songs that make them think about crushes and the excitement you feel when you have one. You can check it out here!

The fact that you already think that you have a crush is probably worth exploring. It's good to trust our instincts! Just because you haven't had a crush on anyone before doesn't necessarily mean you're aromantic. You might've just needed the right person to come along! What have you been experiencing that makes you think you have a crush?