I'm trans (fTm) and masturbation scares me for a couple reasons

[snowvivid1]

I'm 18 and kinda nervous because my first sexual partner and was probably 14 going to 16 my (ex)partner sa'd me. I've never orgasmd before, because I did the touching (does that even count as SA then? I digress)

But I'm scared I'll piss myself, is that a normal fear

[KierC]

Hi Snowvivid1, and welcome to the boards <3 We’re so glad you’ve found us here!

I am so sorry to hear that your ex partner chose to assault you. Nobody deserves that. Even if you did the touching, if it happened without your consent/if they forced you, it does fall under the definition of sexual assault, though it’s always your choice to describe this in a way that feels right for you. You can learn more about that here too: Driver’s Ed for the Sexual Superhighway.

We have another article on our site that might be helpful while we talk through this: Late Bloomer: A Guide to Orgasm After Rape. The title includes orgasm, which I don’t intend to place on a pedestal as we talk about exploring masturbation, but I think the more general advice in this article about reconnecting with your body at your own pace, knowing it’s okay to stop if you want to, might be helpful here.

Can you tell me a little bit more about this fear? And have you tried masturbation before, or would this be the very first time?

[snowvivid1]

I have tried but nothing comes from it and I just get frustrated so I stop, or I get nervous that im about to piss myself so I stop and go to the bathroom

[amber]

Hi snowvivid1,

Were you able to read through the articles KierC sent? Were they helpful to you at all?

The feeling like you have to pee is not uncommon along with pleasure/stimulation of the genitals. The large concentration of nerves (that make us feel good) are also close to the urethra and the nerves that let our body know when we need to urinate.

I am wondering more about why you are so worried or uncomfortable about this feeling? Would it seem impossible to try and 'push through' the sensation?

[snowvivid1]

It probably wouldn't be impossible, but my now partner sleeps in the same room as me (different beds because we were long distance at first) and I would feel really embarrassed if they woke up to me changing the sheets for that reason

I read half of the first one but then I had to pick up dinner so I got sidetracked

[KierC]

It’s totally ok to read whatever you’d like and pick up later, no worries!

I hear you that you’re worried about any accidents that might happen as you explore masturbation. Have you tried urinating before masturbation? I’m thinking that might be helpful if you’re concerned about the possibility of urinating during masturbation.

But, I also want you to know that it’s totally okay if you urinate a bit. I know it can feel embarrassing and worrisome, but truly, bodies release all sorts of fluids during sexual activity, and urine is just one of them sometimes. Do you have any initial reactions to hearing that?

[snowvivid1]

A bit of relief honestly, thank you

[Tara]

I am glad we were able to help! Please let us know if you need anything else.

[snowvivid1]

I am glad we were able to help! Please let us know if you need anything else.