My partner’s penis doesn’t fit inside me

[gnarp_gnarp_2]

I feel kinda sad about it but I also can’t really do anything about it. My partner isn’t like abnormally big, maybe like 2-3 inches bigger than average but I still feel kind of insecure and like something’s wrong with me. They said not to worry about it because it literally doesn’t matter to them but idk. It’s not like they can’t fit at all either there’s only like an inch and a half left.

Sorry if this is too intimate or stupid I just don’t know what to think or do about this right now.

[Latha]

Hello Gnarp_gnarp_2!

No worries, concerns like this are not too intimate to discuss here, and I don't think you are stupid for feeling the way you do. Would you like to talk more about what comes to mind when you notice this difference? Why is this a problem with you, rather than a neutral fact about your and your partner's bodies? Have you ever heard any comments about this sort of thing that are weighing on you now?

[gnarp_gnarp_2]

I haven’t really heard anything about this I don’t think but I just feel kind of inadequate in a way. I feel like there’s probably someone that can satisfy my partner better because my body is too small but I also wonder if I’m not lubricated enough? If I wasn’t lubricated enough do I need lube or was I not turned on enough, which leads to more problems. I just don’t really know What to do or think about it

[Sofi]

Hi gnarp_gnarp_2, I’m hearing you’re blaming yourself (or at least your body) for this, but it isn’t your fault.

The average depth of the vaginal canal is only a few inches, although it does deepen when we’re aroused. So regardless it’s common for penises to not entirely “fit” inside a vagina completely, but also, are you fully aroused when you two have sex?

Often, people aren’t quite there yet, and start before their brain and body are ready. This can happen if you skip over warmup activities that many of us need like a nice conversation, some physical touch, play, whatever works for you to make sure you’re actually aroused and relaxed by the time you have sex, especially any insertive sex.

[Heather]

On top of what Latha and Sofi said -- and they are correct: plenty of penises won't fit all the way into plenty of vaginas, anuses, or mouths, for that matter -- I also want to tell you that if your partner would like to feel more sensation at the base of their penis during intercourse AND if you would like some padding so that that size differential doesn't ever cause you any discomfort, there is something for this you can purchase and use called the ohnut. It's a silicone sleeve that is put on the base of the penis to provide a sort of bumper (to help prevent any pain or discomfort for a receptive partner), but which also grips the base of the penis lightly. They can also be bought in pairs or trios and stacked if more feels better to one or both people.

I do also want to say that 2-3 inches longer than average is actually considerably longer, not a minor difference, given that the differences we are talking about here with your genitals and theirs and things that differ by only inches or centimeters rather than, say, feet.

[gnarp_gnarp_2]

I mean about arousal i think I’m very aroused without my partner. I’m not really sure if I can be more aroused because I feel like that’s the most aroused I’ve been so far but I really think I am unless I’m actually not and I don’t know.

I do feel better knowing that this is normal tho and thank you for that ohnut suggestion. Also to be totally transparent my partner is about 8 inches long.

[char]

Hi gnarp_gnarp_2!

Chiming in to say that there are lots of things to factor in when it comes to arousal, so it'd be tricky to say whether you're "aroused enough." But as Heather, Latha, and Sofi shared in their replies, it's important to be physically and mentally relaxed during sex. Since you've shared your worries with your partner and they seem to be open to trying new things (as well as being okay with their entire penis not fitting inside you), I think it'd be helpful to discuss ways that can make both of you feel even more relaxed throughout sex--insertive sex included. It can look like changing the intensity of things you've done, or adding or removing something from the mix. How does that sound to you?

[Heather]

I just want to say that this likely isn't about not being aroused, from the sounds of things. Instead, it just sounds like you both may have the expectation that all penises can fit all the way inside of all vaginas (or do so all the time: after all, separate from arousal, how high or low the cervix is also varies depending on where you are at in your fertility cycle, not to mention that different positions during intercourse also create variations), when that is simply not always the case.

My best advice is to just know and accept that nope, his penis may not, or may not always fit all the way inside your vagina and that doesn't mean something is wrong with either of you or that this is something to be sad about. I'd trust your partner when they tell you it doesn't matter and let go of the expectation you're putting on yourself here. <3