Family Culture & Sex

[Ashleah]

Family can have a huge impact on the way we see ourselves as sexual beings. A lot of times our ideas about, well, practically everything can start with the attitudes members of our families hold. If the attitudes are unhealthy or just down right wrong it can take years to reshape the way we think about things related to sex. Some of us might never change!

Lets talk about the culture of sex in your family. Consider the following things:
-What are some of the attitudes your family holds (especially parents/guardians) about sex and sexuality?
-Where do you think those attitudes come from? Religion? Past experience of a certain family member?
-How has that shaped the way you view sex and sexuality? If negatively, what are some things you have done to see a new perspective?

[Kittens]

1) What are some of the attitudes your family holds (especially parents/guardians) about sex and sexuality?
The only parent I live with is my mom, and her attitude about sexuality is a little hard to explain. As far as sex in general goes, she has a "to each their own" view. Even though there are things she'd never do, she does her best not to judge others for what they do. So in the general sense, she's pretty accepting. However, my mom's view shift a bit when it comes to me. When she found out that I was having sex, first she said she wasn't mad at me and that this was normal for someone my age. Then when we talked about it in therapy she told me that most teenager go on to regret having sex later and that I probably just think I'm ready but I'm really not. She told me even if I WAS entirely ready, I still am am technically not ready for sex because I don't have a legal place to have sex at. She ended the whole conversation on the note that even if I've decided I'm ready, she still can't trust that because she can't get inside my head. Even with all that, she still let me get on birth control and said she'd buy me condoms if I ask(even though I never ask, I just buy them myself). She's becoming a little more open to conversations now and more accepting about the fact that I'm sexually active, which is good.
My aunt is the other person that influenced the way I view sexuality. Sex is a part of her spirituality, and she sees sex as a positive, healthy thing. She also loves to talk about sex, and gives lots of good advice on the topic. She's the one I go to with any questions I have, especially if they're more personal and not just medical.

2) Where do you think those attitudes come from? Religion? Past experience of a certain family member?
My mom's attitude about sex, the ideas that I'll regret sex, I'm not ready, and her reluctance to talk openly about sex seems to come from her experience and the way she was raised. Her parents never talked about sex with her, beyond putting a condom on a banana. When she was a teenager she was drinking and doing drugs, and got pregnant at 14. So, she didn't make good decisions and even though she says she's not she's probably worried that I'll make the same mistakes. I was also sexually abused when I was 13, so my mom is a bit protective of me.

3) How has that shaped the way you view sex and sexuality? If negatively, what are some things you have done to see a new perspective?
My aunt has shaped my view of sexuality more than my mom has. Since she's the one I talk with about sex, she's the one I get most of my views from. I see sex as a spiritual, beautiful, fun experience. More than an experience, it's like sacred space. I think that it's important to educate yourself on sexual topic, and I find them really interesting, and I'm really open about sex and sexuality. My mom has made me question me feel like I am a bad person for having sex before, but with the views I already had from my aunt I was able to understand that how she felt about me having sex was her opinion, and in no way does it shape who I am as a person. I am the one in control of my body and my sexual choices, and I am mature enough to make these choices on my own.