Scarleteen

hi scarleteen. ive been feeling very discouraged & isolated and frustrated because i don't know how to find and vet sexual and social partners who are still masking/taking the covid pandemic seriously. as a trans person, i feel hurt and abandoned by my community, like the queer culture of the day doesnt care about the similarities between the HIV crisis and the COVID crisis. i've had people lie to me about their masking habits so that they can get sex or money out of me and it has seriously damaged my ability to trust or be intimate with people.

how do i build community or relationships when so many people dont care about basic public health and safety?

Hey iontv, welcome, and glad you are here.

I want to affirm that it is absolutely frustrating and isolating to be living life with a covid-aware lens right now, and I know for many of us, it has fundamentally altered how we find/form/sustain relationships. And, you are far from the only one!

The main thing that is coming to mind when reading your post is how useful direct, clear, and upfront communication is in navigating the mess of COVID. I know my masking practices and COVID awareness are beyond that of any of my coworkers, but I have some practices that might be seen as careless or unsafe to some of my friends. My point being, what vetting will look like for you might be totally different than what it would look like for me. Some of my friends have used dating shorthand like mask4mask on a dating app to find folks who are somewhat on the same page, and then checked in about the details (Who do you mask around? Do you test, and how often? I do XYZ, does that align with your needs?). How much have you outlined your specific boundaries? Do you know what feels absolutely necessary, and what is flexible? Having some kind of list, maybe just for yourself, could be helpful here.

Disabled communities and many disabled folks have wonderful wisdom and practice navigating these worlds. There are so many incredible people who have been completely pushed out of community because they are trying not to die from a pandemic, and some are looking for social and sexual connections. How do you feel about social relationships- and sexual ones too, I suppose- where you mainly interact in e-space? Would that feel fulfilling?
I think starting in spaces where navigating access needs is already a baseline responsibility could help pre-vet folks for at least willingness to hear your needs and be honest about their practices. Chronically ill/disabled folks have all kinds of in person and virtual groups, maybe some that will be local to you.