Scarleteen

so I'm a lesbian, and I'm sure of it. I've tried to like guys, its literally impossible. this will come into play later.

anyways I have really complicated feelings about my gender expression maybe. (I suck at explaining things)

when I was little, I had traditional "feminine" interests I guess. literally the first ever outfit I was put in was I pink tutu. I was always bought dolls, princess stuff, lots of dresses, was put in hairbows, all that stuff.

when I got a little older I was into makeup and fashion and pop music and being all girly and stuff(I thought I was straight then too tho)

but now, I feel a lot different. I dress in like a 2000's emo look every day (I look ambiguous if that's the word) and I hate switching up what I wear because I like to do things all the same (OCD and what I'm 96% sure is autism are a dangerous combo). I hate all makeup that isnt eyeliner and I hate dresses. there's this big dance at school at the end of the year and my mom was looking at dresses and I said "if I HAVE to wear a dress make it something basic I guess and not tight" and she was like "well you don't want to wear a suit, right.... you'll look like a.... never mind" and now I just feel upset with all of the women in my life for making me like that.

I wish I was a kid who liked toy trucks and refused bows and dresses when I was little... it would be so much easier. I wish I was stronger and able to play sports. i've always been seen as some weak little girl who got yelled at in gym class every week for sucking and I hate it. I hate that I'm doing nothing to prove that its no just men who can be tough.

and now I feel like if I were to come out to my family they wouldn't believe me or something because I seemed "feminine"

I'm proud to be a woman (well partially I guess since I identify as a demigirl) I just hate the way society is.

random-rat,

I hear you on society sucking a lot of the time. And I am sorry to hear that you don't feel as if your family would be supportive of you. No matter what society thinks, no matter what your family thinks, only you know who you truly are. No one else can tell you or take that from you. It sounds like as you get older, you are gaining more agency, for instance with your style. This is great! And your agency and autonomy is just going to grow stronger. How do you feel after reading this blurb?

Do you just want space to rant or is there something specific you'd like to talk through? Either way, we are here for you.