I dont know how to finger not too much and i need help

[aniyah_lashayyy]

So im 16 right and i lowk been tryna feel pleasure for myself but when i like insert my fingers i literally cant feel a thing like honestly i dont know what im doing like i can feel da body parts in my vuvla but bro i dont know where to put my fingers like i can feel da walls and when i go deep but i still cant feel pleasure like i cant feel pain or nothing like im so confused and im starting to freak out and panic bcs of da future like please help a girl out. thankyou and if yall can gimme sum tips if yall ever went through dis or js in general like anything would help.

[Tara]

Hi, aniyah_lashayyy:

Welcome to the boards. I'm sorry you haven't been able to experience pleasure from fingering yourself. There are some articles on the website that explain this. Here is one: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... masturbate.

As far as not feeling anything when you touch yourself - do you feel aroused before and during this? I am trying to understand if you are not feeling any sensation at all or if you are not feeling aroused.

[aniyah_lashayyy]

okay first thank you for recommending the article/website and secondly,of course before I touch myself I feel aroused/excited because I finally get to feel pleasure and explore my body but when I am doing it or start to touch myself I feel I don’t feel excited or aroused at all or in pain and instead I feel confused,scared,worried and panic all at da same time because at first I thought maybe I was js inserting the wrong way (thats why I came here)but now ima starting to panic because I now think there might be something wrong with my nerves etc.

[Sofi]

So, there's a few things I think are going on here, let me know your thoughts.

First off, if once you start masturbating you don't feel aroused anymore and you feel panicked, it's best to stop right there. You see, our primary sex organ is our brain. Our brain is the center of pleasure and if we are feeling things like confusion, fear, worry and panic, it's not really gonna be in the mood for pleasure at the same time. We need to be in a relaxed state of mind in order to enjoy masturbation or any other type of sex, so the first thing to do here is work on relaxing in those moments. Does that make sense?

I also don't think there's anything wrong with your nerves from the sound of it. There's a misconception a lot of young people have that inserting fingers inside the vagina is the most common way to masturbate for people with a vulva, but that's not actually true. Stimulation of the clitoris is the most common since there are way more nerve endings there than inside the vagina. For some, insertion feels good and they enjoy it. For others, it doesn't really feel like much, as you're describing, so it's not something they do much or at all - and that's perfectly okay. So don't feel pressured to keep doing anything that you try and doesn't feel good, since masturbation is about pleasure so that's what we're aiming for.

There are also many other ways to masturbate aside from the two mentioned. There's not one right or wrong way, so you can experiment to figure out what you like and don't like. The article Tara sent has more info on this, did you find it helpful? Do you have any follow-up questions about anything you read in there?

[aniyah_lashayyy]

okay sofi, but what if when I’m ready to have sex and all dat u think maybe I’ll feel something cs this makes me feel super abnormal. Like I’m scaredd

[Heather]

Hey there. So "sex" is not just about activities like intercourse that involve something going into the vagina. Instead what sex is is any of the great number of ways people can actively express their sexuality. For more, check out this article here:

But it sounds like you're concerned about the kinds of sex that do involve something being inside your vagina. How it feels for you to put your own fingers in your vagina in the ways you have probably isn't going to be the same way it feels when you're doing things with a partner that involve their fingers, or a penis, or toys, for a few reasons. For one, the angle you're getting with your own hands is really limited and different than it will be with a partner, where more depth and better angling can happen. Too, with a partner -- though this is also something you can do for yourself -- ideally you will have been doing and will still be doing other things before anything is inside your vaginal opening or vagina. Just going that, just engaging the vagina, doesn't often do much for anyone all by itself because the anatomy of the vagina is such that it's just not that full of fine-touch sensory nerve endings past the first inch or so of the opening. If and when we feel a lot of sensation with the vagina, it's usually because of a combination of the internal clitoris being full on the inside thanks to both arousal and to having stimulated the external portions for a while (or at the same time as vaginal sex) AND because what we're doing it really filling the vagina up (something one finger often won't do) so that it creates a feeling of fullness and pressure, which is more in alignment with the kind of nerve endings in that organ.

Too, things are often different with a partner because we emotionally and intellectually feel different when someone else is involved: partners can tend to increase pleasure because their own pleasure is in the mix, and their excitement about ours is in the mix. Both of those things tend to make everything feel more exciting, and we will usually feel that increased excitement in our bodies.

Make sense?