Scarleteen

I'm very very single and as much as I'd like to have a partner I don't see myself hooking up with anyone anytime soon (soon being months to years regrettably). The thing with me is that I'm a masochist and I like being tied up, hurt, blindfolded and having things done to me like getting wax dripped on me. The problem here is that since I'm single I don't have a Dom it's lead me to not get much sexual satisfaction. I've tried to masturbate, but it feels so lackluster when I can't bind myself and can't really torment myself as much as someone else can. I can't reach my climax and it's so frustrating that I end up often times crying afterwords. I need some guidance on how I can masturbate but also somehow keep bound, and lose a bit of control, I want to feel a bit powerless, yet be able to stop everything if something goes awry. Does anyone know how I can be my own Dom without accidentally doing something like putting myself in a situation where I can't get unbound, burn down my apartment, or end up seriously damaging my body?

Btw I don't know if it's all that important to mention, but I'm a transgender male, meaning I have female genitalia, but identify as male.

Hey there,

I'm sorry you've been feeling so frustrated with this. There are some things you can do but first I want to tell you want you really should avoid.

One of the rules of bondage is never leave a bound person in the room alone. Which means you need to be very safe with bondage on your own and should certainly never put yourself into any situation that would be hard to get out of. Also, tying anything around your neck for breath play is something that is extremely dangerous. There are people that have ended up dead because they couldn't get out of their ties on their own and there was no one there to help them. Not to mention, breath play in and of itself is dangerous and no one has found any way to safely do it yet. When it comes to doing high-risk things such as activities that use fire(such as wax play) and sharp edges(things like blood/knife play) make sure you do some heavy research on the topic and will know what to do in case of an emergency as well as all the precautions you should take to avoid emergency.

Now that that's said, there are somethings that are fairly safe and that you can do alone. If you bind yourself, you can do so with things like scarves or clothing(make sure it's not made of any silk-like material that will tighten when pulled). Do not bind your hands or arms though, and make sure that you can untie anything that you use to bind your legs/feet quickly. Blindfolding yourself shouldn't be that dangerous either, as long as you're sure you're in a safe place and, again, can easily take it off. Also, you can try things like mental bondage. Such as, tell yourself that no matter what you can't move your legs(or whatever other part of your body, or even tell yourself that you can't make any noises like moans), or there's going to be a punishment, such as a spanking. Spanking is pretty low risk activity, as long as you make sure you're not hitting anything that you can easily damage(kidneys, tailbone, hips, spine, neck, face, ears) and you can do it to yourself. For things like waxplay, make sure you're getting candles/wax that burns at low temperatures. Avoid beeswax candles, as they burn at higher temps. Candles made of paraffin are good, although I'm not entirely equipt to give you advice as to where to find those. Another thing you can do is fantasize, if that helps you.

it's not really physical, and i'm in a relationship while not being sexually active daily, but one thing i do is write small stories. i don't share them with anyone/public though sometimes i might send a little to my boyfriend for fun ideas to think about. it's not really the same, and maybe not your thing, but i find that writing things (especially while aroused) and being able to read the words gets me going a lot and feels a little more powerful than just thinking. it's also nice because unlike erotica by others (though those can be fun too) is you can make it whatever you want. you could write it from a sub position or possibly a Dom position, maybe what you'd love to hear from someone in the future? anything from keywords or phrases to full out scenarios, it can be very helpful when masturbating!

Oh thank you guys! :'D I didn't think anyone would respond to the gripings of a lonely pervert. I've done a bit of my research and I've found that there are several way to preform like self handles ties (but I actually don't know what kind of rope to get) and I did a bit of research into machines (which is an idea that came to me after I posted this) and goolie gee there's just the most wonderful things on the internet ;0; I'll post a few links to things I've found for the other lonely perverts who are masochists. I found this lovely spanking contraption link removed and I found an entire store for machines that will do the thrusting for you! link removed also thanks for the warning about the low temperature candles. I asked my Dom friend and I had no idea there were different types of wax that melt at different temperatures (she said that starting on massaging wax would probably keep from hurting too badly. I think over the course of several months I'll slowly start building up my own little treasure trove >v< Though the mental aspect of things that you mentioned would help a great deal! I'm just the worst at being mean to anyone and I don't have a dominative personality at all. The idea of punishing myself for moaning or moving didn't occur to me at all. The scenerios are a great idea too! If it's alright to further elaborate on the topic. What are some other suggestions for things that could work more on the mind?

hi enixfire,

I took those links out of your post, since they were to adults-only sites many of our users can't legally access. We want to make the boards safe for our under-18 users to be on and use, so we ask that folks don't link to any sexually explicit content in their posts.

Oh I'm sorry! I'll refrain from using any links in the future. But the whole mental thing I'd still like advice on. Like how I could cater to the mental aspect of bdsm solo.

you could think of a specific sexual act you enjoy as well as whatever roles you think might be fun to act out, then write them down/think about them. ie if you enjoy the ideas of giving oral as an example, or something else, you can make it the focus or start of a scenario in writing or in your head