lesbian for whole life, but sexually attracted to “men” in porn

[tielaws]

hi, i’ve been a lesbian for my entire life, i’ve only ever had crushes on women, been attracted to women in real life, and wanted to have sex with women. I knew even as a kid, i gave a girl a love letter in the 2nd grade for pride sake. I’ve never wanted to be with a man, be that sexually or romantically. Being around men in real life in a romantic or sexual way grosses me out. But, for most of my life, i’ve also been attracted to fictional men (mostly monster, or cartoon/animated/alien) but still. I’ve never been attracted to male actors, or actual characters in a movie or show. (the only time i had, it was for the male na’vi in avatar) But women? yes, all of it. I’ve only ever read wlw media, watched it. NEVER sought out straight media or romance, never sought out mlm either. But, i had watched all types of porn. Porn with two women, porn with a woman and a man, and porn with two men. I’ve been attracted to women with penises, and i would hypothetically have sex with a trans woman/date her, but i can’t imagine dating a man. Cis man, trans man, any man. I don’t feel comfortable labeling myself a bisexual, or biromantic, but. what does this mean? i’ve been so comfortable and happy with my identity, being a lesbian even bleeds into my gender identity as i’m gnc, considering packing and all, and it heavily pertains to it. But, i am sometimes sexually attracted to penises and “male” bodies in porn and in fiction. But, in real life, i’ve never had this attraction. It feels more like only fantasy, somewhat fetish to me. I don’t know if anyone can relate or does but if you do or can help me figure out what this could entail, i’d heavily appreciate

[char]

Hi tielaws, welcome to the boards ^^

In my opinion, your experience here can mean anything or nothing at all. What I mean is that whether or not you want to make something out of this observation--such as making a particular mental note to yourself or change how you describe yourself--is ultimately up to you. You're not less of a lesbian just because you find yourself sexually attracted to men in a non-real-life setting, you know? Our sexual fantasies can be so vast (and "wild"), and as long as no one gets hurt in real life, we're not bad people for developing fantasies that may differ from what we actually feel.

Personally, I've noticed that in certain spaces--online or in-person--there can be pressure for lesbian folks to "prove" how "men-free" their sexual and/or romantic experience is. But when we focus on external validation, we can easily lose track of our own thoughts and feelings, and that's not a good thing. Would you say this is something you've experienced?