Scarleteen

Content warning: talks about sexual assault and emotional abuse as something I heard about (without any details) and how that traumatized me.




Hi everyone,

For privacy reasons, I use them/them pronouns for one of the people talked about in this post. This may or may not reflect their gender or actual pronouns (I don’t know).

One of my past friend groups had a person who sexually assaulted one of my past friends and who was also emotionally abusive to other people in the group. I wasn’t directly affected by them, but hearing about what happened and realizing that I had spent many months physically close to them significantly traumatized me. I still think about it a lot, and haven’t really processed what happened. I met this friend group at a park, and that’s where we hung out for the months that I was physically close to this person.

In a few days I’m going to go back to the park, for something unrelated and hopefully quite fun. I’m scared that I’m going to get triggered or otherwise be really stressed out because of the location and my history with it. I’m wondering if people have tips to deal with any feelings or worries that do come up, so that I can stay focused on the fun. Of course, dealing with the trauma more fully requires therapy, but I’m just hoping for things to get me through it.

AQ

Afterword: Depending on how worried I am about this, I might ask for a different location, but I’d rather not.

Hey AQ,

Glad that there are some fun plans in the works for you, and sorry that they are becoming tied to these tough and complicated memories.

Will there be anyone else partaking in these plans who you might be able to check in with ahead of time? Something like, “hey, I am excited about our plans, but I have some bad memories tied to the park. Will you leave early with me/sit out with me/check in if I seem off?” I really like having a buddy for most social situations in general, and it can be really nice to be that buddy for someone else too.

Are you able to leave the park if it feels like too much? Can you take a bus/bike ride/drive to another place?

What usually helps you feel the most grounded, safe, and cared for when heavy feelings come up? Can you bring a book, headphones, a journal or sketchbook, or something like that?

HI there,

First, I want to say I'm so very sorry about how you were treated, places can definitely be triggering when related to trauma, especially if you're kinda apprehensive of it beforehand.

If you're aware of the possibility you can plan though which is good! First, I would make sure you have someone safe to you know where you're at. If you have someone aware, you can always call someone to come get you or talk you down in the event you're triggered. Second, I would make a plan for what you would like to do at the park in the event of being triggered. For me, whenever I'm triggered I experience symptoms such as my hearing ringing slightly or going a bit quiet, vision becoming noisy as if static were overlaying it, and my body maybe feeling slightly numb (keep in mind these are MY trauma responses, so yours may be different, but I'll use these for the example). If you start to notice signs that you're getting triggered via your body's physical response, you can decide where to go from there to mitigate the response. You can always try removing yourself from the direct area of the trigger and doing a small grounding response (5 things you can see, 5 things you can hear, 5 things you can touch, and 5 things you can smell to activate your senses and bring you back into the moment) while also reminding yourself that you are safe and bringing yourself as back to reality as possible. You can also make sure that person you informed of your location is on standby if you need to be picked up to leave the location. Also doing any sort of thing like splashing your face with cold water or drinking cold water can bring you back down.

Always remember you are in control. You came to the park and you can leave at anytime!

Hoping your outing goes well!