Reliability of condoms

[spicykewpiemayo]

Hello lovely Scarleteen team!

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have solely used condoms (Durex Extra Safe / Originals / Pleasure Me - basically all the thicker ones). We have never gotten an ‘oopsie’ using them, thus no pregnancy scares (although I have faced late periods since starting to be more sexually active).

My question regards the reliability of condoms. We use them religiously with no incidents so far and also pair it with withdrawal (+/- I know it cannot be predicted perfectly all the time, however no condom = no fun time, my boyfriend is very stern about this).

With no pregnancy scares active, should I worry if my period is late by approximately week or so and consider taking a test? I don’t want to be over zealous and blindly trust the chosen contraception method, but I also don’t feel any urgency or worry regarding my situation. Should I consider going on contraceptive pills or getting an IUD? And does the fact that I never had any pregnancy scare mean we are not fertile (both in our 20s) or just that condoms work? Is the lengthening of my menstrual cycles (from 28 days to 35 days now) related to passing puberty or something I should be concerned about?

Thank you so much!

[Becky]

Hi spicykewpiemayo! Welcome to the boards!

These are some great questions! Let me see if I can answer them for you.

Condoms are VERY effective at preventing pregnancy! The understood rates right now are about 98% effective with perfect use and 86% effective with typical use. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are pretty aware of condom usage and considering that you haven't had any breakages or pregnancy scares so far, I'd say it sounds like this is a really effective form of birth control for you! If you are going to continue practicing withdrawal in addition to using condoms, just make sure your boyfriend is holding onto the base of the condom when he pulls out. Just to avoid the condom potentially slipping off and leaking.

Also, using lube is not only beneficial because it makes vaginal sex easier, more comfortable, and more pleasurable-- it also helps create less friction on the condom so there's less chance of the condom breaking! A win-win if you ask me!

You can read up more on condoms and proper usage with these articles:
Condom Basics: A User's Manual
Birth Control Bingo: Condoms

With no pregnancy scares active, should I worry if my period is late by approximately week or so and consider taking a test?

Is the lengthening of my menstrual cycles (from 28 days to 35 days now) related to passing puberty or something I should be concerned about?

Should you worry? Not necessarily. While 28 days is typically cited as the average amount of days between periods, a cycle anywhere from 21 to 35 days is totally normal. And this can vary over our lives because of stress, hormones, increased exercise, changes in weight, etc.

If it would alleviate some anxiety for you to take a pregnancy test then there is no harm but given that you haven't had any unprotected sex it sounds like there is no risk of pregnancy.

When you say your menstrual cycle is lengthening, is this something you've noticed over time or do you feel like it happened suddenly? By any chance do you keep track of your period in any way?

You can read more about periods and their fluctuations here:
M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

Should I consider going on contraceptive pills or getting an IUD?

Maybe! This is a decision only you can make. Hormonal birth control are extremely effective and IUD's are over 99% effective at preventing pregnancy. If having that extra protection would bring you peace of mind, it could be something to consider.

If you are experiencing irregular periods, hormonal birth control like the pill or ring can sometimes help regulate your cycle so that could be a benefit as well.

There can also be side effects with hormonal birth control too, which some people are not a fan of. Condoms and the copper IUD are the most effective, non-hormonal birth control options.

We have a great resource for seeing if hormonal birth control could be right for you! You can click through to learn about different types of hormonal birth control.

Birth Control Bingo: What's the Right Hormonal Method for Me?

And does the fact that I never had any pregnancy scare mean we are not fertile (both in our 20s) or just that condoms work?

I would not assume this at all, especially considering that it sounds like you have a pretty regular menstrual cycle. The most likely reason you haven't gotten pregnant is because you are using condoms correctly.

I hope this helped answer your questions! Try not to stress yourself out if you can. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have a good birth control plan and are using condoms effectively.

Best,
Becky

[spicykewpiemayo]

Thank you so much for your insight, Becky! You are so kind!

We have thought about using lubricants and read through the various choices together, but sometimes even the lubricant that comes with the condoms feels a tad bit too slippery for our liking (mine mainly, because I move a lot during intercourse and the slipping gets annoying pretty quickly), but thank you for the advice, maybe I will give them a second chance! Also thank you so much for reassuring me about the usage of condoms, we try our best to be as responsible as possible.

To be fair, I have experienced a lot of shame regarding the usage of condoms among our social circle, saying my boyfriend is obeying me like a puppy, that not getting pregnant should be my responsibility, and not his, that it interrupts everything and it is off-putting, that it feels a lot more pleasurable without one, and that the whole purpose of sex is to feel good and free. I struggle to understand how it is me making my boyfriend 'obey', when he is the one always careful to put the condom on, to check in with me on the integrity of the condom, to avoid any contact without protection and to go out of his way to get them. When we started dating, it was his idea to get tested for any STIs so that we could commence our sexual life. He even got a dermatologist check-up for the warts on his hands, because he was stressed he could give me HPV if he were to finger me, and then I would get cancer. While I do know there are various variants of HPV and this transmission is close to impossible and somewhat of mental gymnastics, what I'm trying to say is that he is just very considerate. I did bring up getting on hormonal birth control with him (as a 'Hey, what do you think about this?' thing, more than a 'What our friends said got to me and I feel guilty putting the pressure of prevention on your shoulders.'), asking if he would rather me take the pill and give up on using condoms, but he was very apprehensive, and told me that the side effects of birth control (I laughed saying 'What, low libido?', but now that I think about it he probably meant that I'm at risk because I have some family history of cardiovascular problems) are not something I should subject myself to, and that he is more than happy to be the one in charge of protection. In hindsight, I think he doesn't want to become a dad, just as much as I don't plan on becoming a mother any time soon.

I use Apple Health to track my menstrual cycle, mainly because they have that addition where it measures your body temperature and tries to predict your ovulation, which is pretty neat. From April/May 2025, my cycles have been 28 - 30 days long (probably because I was very active, I was 10 kilograms thinner than I am at the moment, I was eating more nutritious and balanced meals, and I was less stressed; I also lived in a less polluted area). Since moving away to University I started getting longer and longer cycles (a 40 days cycle starting in September, a 37 days cycle starting in October, a 34 days cycle starting in November and then a 28 days cycle in December - probably due to lack of stress during winter break). Everything got derailed again during exam season and, while I know my reproductive health is not jeopardised (I got a vaginal ultrasound, with no signs of polyps, cysts or inflammation), it would just be nice to have 28 days cycles again - they were more manageable, easy to expect, I wouldn't have mood swings dragging on for weeks, bloating and breakouts. One of the reasons I would consider a copper IUD is in hopes that it could potentially aid in more regulated menstrual cycles.

Thank you for your answers, they have been very insightful!

[Becky]

Wow, I am so sorry to hear about the negative feedback you've gotten from your friends about using condoms!!

Birth control is EVERYONE'S responsibility, not just the woman's/person who could get pregnant! I'm really proud of you and your boyfriend for having such thorough discussions together. It sounds like you two have really good communication and are working to have a safe and healthy sex life.

And that's great that you got checked out by a gynecologist! I'm glad to hear there are no health conditions affecting your cycle.

If I can speak from my own personal experience, I had always had super irregular periods so I am a HUGE fan of using birth control to regulate my cycle. Definitely worth talking to a doctor about even if for no other reason than to have manageable periods.

Best of luck!

[spicykewpiemayo]

Hello again!

Sorry to report back so late, I ended up taking a pregnancy test on day 36 of my cycle, exactly 14 days after the last time I had intercourse. It came back negative, which was fork found in the kitchen, to be frank.

I am currently on day 38 of my cycle and since taking said pregnancy test, I started lightly bleeding, which for me usually means a period commencing.

Thank you so much, Becky for helping me navigate the worries and questions I had, and for anyone reading this, whose period is delayed and they have searched the internet up and down looking for a cause, yet have used reliable methods of contraception: get off the internet, NOW, and get a pregnancy test. It cannot change the reality, but rather show you what that reality is.

Best of luck and stay safe!

[Sofi]

That's a wonderful update! I'll pass on the good news and feedback to Becky