Masturbating with little-no privacy with very conflicting thoughts

[tonytonymoni]

I can't tell if I've orgasmed or not. It genrally takes me a longish time to get aroused because its like i have thoughts and i want to but it takes very long to get wet and I share a room with my sister and have 3 other siblings so i dont have much privacy but i have these feelings/thoughts alot and i dunno what to do and im really nervous to talk to my parents about this and ive found that i only get wet really fast if im listening to an explicit audio but my parents say its bad and it goes against our religion(im muslim and my parents arent mean) and they are saying they just want to help so i dont get addicted but its like thats the only way i can even get the feelings away for a little. Sorry if I'm talking too much i still don't know much about this website.

[Anya]

Hey tonytonymoni,

Welcome to the boards!

Please don't worry about talking too much or anything like that! It's what we're here for, to help you through all this and learn! Now, it does seem like a less than ideal situation regarding privacy, so i'm sure that is not easy, but I totally get what you mean about having feelings and it being pretty confusing, not knowing what they mean.

First of all, I want to explicitly dispell the myth that masturbation is addicting. There is no research or any proof that this is the case, and actually a mountain of evidence showing this to be untrue. Religion often tells us to be fearful or to only co-exist with our bodies, but the truth is, if we weren't meant to feel arousal or pleasure, we probably wouldn't. There are no tests, there is no shame, at the end of the day we are all still just smart animals with wants, desires, and feelings, all of which are completely normal. It sucks to be in a family where you are told differently, but know that no matter you religion, if you search enough, you will find people who say the same prayers and still acknowlege the reality that to have a human body, feeling pleasure is a normal part. Is there anywhere that you do have privacy like in the bathroom?

I want to share a few articles of ours with you that I think could help you understand more about what masturbation is and how you want to think about it:
Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation
It's Between God and Me
Is Masturbation Wrong?

How does all of this feel to you?

[tonytonymoni]

Ok, thank you so much for this and for your question my house has two floors and two bathrooms the first floor is underground so its always cold and me and my sister share a room in the basement (first floor) but my dad office is the room next to us and the walls are a bit thin but theres a bathroom in that hallway but its a little small. On the second floor is where the rest of my family's rooms are, and that's our main bathroom that everyone uses, and with my 4 siblings its always very loud, and one is autistic who always forgets to knock, as well as my other siblings in general and my dad works a lot and the bathroom for the office is like 12 feet away. And with me having watched very explicit stuff(ykyk), my parents have been more strict with technology and are extra suspicious of me, and so the rule no locking doors is still very big.

[char]

Thanks for providing more context. From what you've explained, I think there are some things you can consider. If you don't mind the cold, and that there's enough space, the basement bathroom can be a good place--provided that it's not during "busy hours" like early in the morning or in the afternoon. Doing it in the bedroom is fine, but you might want to consider only masturbating at night when everyone else is asleep, and keep it quiet. As I mentioned in my other post, it'd be nice if you could get earphones, but if not, watching and/or listening to explicit media may be something you want to hold off from doing until you have your own space or you're all alone at home (whether temporarily or permanently). For more ideas, you can check out these articles:
- How can I masturbate without my parents knowing?
- Deep Cover: Tips for Managing Anxiety or Privacy Worries When Masturbating at Home

You mentioned that your parents are strict with technology--could you elaborate on how strict they are? Do they monitor your gadget use through certain apps from their own gadgets, use the parental control/family center features on the apps you use, or something else?

[tonytonymoni]

They put a time limit on all my apps on my phone I have a time limit for 3 hours and with anything I want to download i must have parent permission and have to send an email about it and i cant access certain websites and with my school laptop he can pause the internet on any of my devices whenever he wants to and so he can see the time of when i open my computer and how long ill be on it for because im using the internet and if im caught again they will probably go through my search history again. and it is very very rare for me to be home alone due to my big family because in cases where most of the family is going out we all go because with my autistic sibling they need me and my older sisters help to maintain the 5 of us (the 5 being my siblings including me) and my dad wants be to go out more often because he's pretty sure im autistic sinc eit clearly runs in the family my uncle has it as well and so if i recall correctly ive been home alone only twice in my whole life and it was like for 15 minutes twice. Sorry if I rambled too much again.

[Latha]

Hi there, Tonytonymoni! Don't worry about rambling. This is your space to say what you need--if we ever need help understanding something, we'll let you know.

Thanks for answering Char's question. I'm sorry to hear that your parents have responded with such suspicion and scrutiny to what is a normal and healthy interest for you. I think it would be understandable if you wanted a little more privacy, and for your parents to trust that you will be safe. There does not have to be a conflict between wanting time for yourself, to explore sex/masturbation or anything else you want to do, and your care for your family/your religious obligations. And I hope you know that you get to develop your own sense of your religious and ethical obligations around sex. As Anya discussed earlier, whatever you believe, you will be able to find others who share your faith and also support the relationship you want to have with your body.

While we're on this subject, I want to check in about something. You've mentioned that your parents monitor your devices. Are you able to access this website safely? The safety of everyone we speak to is a priority for us, and we wouldn't want you to get in trouble.

Reading your first post, it looks like you were also thinking about how to know when you've orgasmed. If that is right, I'd recommend looking for a sense that you've reached a peak of tension and excitement in your body, and then a sense of release or relaxation. That is essentially to what an orgasm is. Beyond that, it can feel different from day-to-day and from person-to-person.

[tonytonymoni]

Yes i can get to this website safely I use my hotspot and they havent noticed anything so i do think im good and for my question on not knowing when to orgasm do you know any articles i should read about it?

[Sofi]

We actually have a perfect article for you to read about this: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
Let me know if you have any questions after you've read it!