porn "addiction" help

[anonymous456]

hello! i found this site recently and it was really nice to find somewhere that feels like real people actually care, so figured i'd give posting a shot :)

i've been struggling for a few years with using porn and social media in ways that don't feel great. it's not that i think porn is wrong or anything, it's more that i use it (and social media) to escape when i'm stressed or anxious or when something feels hard to face. like homework or even things i actually want to do.

which is the weird part honestly - even stuff i enjoy like gaming or making things can feel like this massive effort in those moments, even though i know i'll feel better once i'm actually doing them. so instead i just... end up on autopilot opening things without really deciding to.

it gets in the way of my life more than i'd like. i don't really buy into the "porn addiction" alpha male nofap thing but something is clearly off lol

i have adhd, autism and ocd and i suspect that has a lot to do with it - like maybe it's more of an emotional regulation/avoidance thing than anything specific to porn itself? idk, i could be wrong

anyway i'm a bit lost and would really appreciate some outside perspective from people who actually know what they're talking about. thanks for reading <3

[amber]

Hi anonymous456 and welcome !

I'm so glad you've found our site beneficial already!

I gotta start by saying you are right on with your thoughts, or lack thereof, around porn 'addiction'. There is truly nothing to suggest that such thing exist. And truly, it is used to further stigmatize and control our sexualities.

I do hear you that your individual consumption of porn, and social media in general, is something you do not feel the best about. I think it is great that you are recognizing this while also not putting judgment on yourself!

It does sound to me like the social media use is acting as a quick fix for stress relief and that it may only be helping in the short-term. Things you like to do like gaming, crafting, and even masturbation, sound like much better tools for stress relief - that will also not make you feel bad later. It could be helpful to set some small goals for yourself to lessen your use. Like no phone before bed or time limits on apps.

You may be right that adhd, autism and ocd may have an impact. It may be helpful to think of other ways you already find helpful to emotionally regulate, relieve stress, or relax. How does all that sound?

[anonymous456]

hi! thank you so much for your quick response, it's so relieving to have my thinking about this topic reassured by an actual person who cares and knows what they're talking about lol :)

i guess my main question is - do you have any practical ideas for how to break the cycle? like how do i actually make myself reach for the good stuff (art, gaming etc) instead of the easy escape when i'm stressed or depleted? i know what i'd rather be doing, i just can't seem to get there in the moment, potentially because of OCD making it seem harder than it is or ADHD making me not have enough brain chemicals or something :(

it's totally fine if that's a bit outside of the scope of this message board btw haha!

[Tara]

Hello, anonymous456:

I reiterate what Amber has said that it is wonderful that you are checking in on yourself to evaluate if you are "balanced" in your activities. We can so quickly become imbalanced, particularly when we are trying to relieve stress. I also struggle with OCD and ADHD tendencies, falling into the trap you just described of "wanting to reach for the thing I want to do" but instead defaulting to something quick to distract from from stress, anxiety, etc.

Some things I have done to break this cycle include: mindfulness meditation throughout the day (simply grounding myself in my body, sitting with some of the impulses, and trying see beyond them rather than acting immediately); starting my day by setting my intentions for what I want to accomplish and where I would like to direct my energy (like setting goals); and I also have set up accountability with a close friend to text her when I feel depleted.

Aside from those things, I have found therapy helpful to talk through any issues driving my impulsive behaviors. Do any of those solutions resonate with you? What all have you tried so far?

[anonymous456]

this is all really helpful, thank you! the mindfulness and intentions stuff especially resonates with me. i'll try to work some of these into my routine and report back if i make any progress <3

[char]

Glad that Amber and Tara's responses have been helpful! If you have any more questions, feel free to let us know.

[anonymous456]

hi again!
i just figured i should quickly check in with an update. i've been struggling with autistic burnout lately but these tips have been really helpful and i think i might be slowly improving thanks!!

[amber]

I'm so excited to hear that anonymous456!

Celebrate this win even if you feel it's a small improvement. <3