period missing, need clarification

[dani10872628]

hello,

my period was due this morning but it did not arrive. I have 31 day cycles.

17 days ago, feb 28, my partner and I dryhumped, (this was 14 days after the first day of my period, which came feb 14) and for reference he never ejaculates on me ever, and we never have genital-to-genital contact, and when we do dryhump we have 2+ layers of clothing on at all times, not flimsy or thin clothes.

he came in his clothes (underwear, sweats, saturated them) and seconds after he did, I touched the outside of his sweats (that felt wet) and pulled those down and touched the outside of his underwear (also felt wet/more saturated, it had a bigger wet stain than the sweats), but I did not reach into his underwear or touch his penis directly. seconds after touching those, I fingered myself, and I believe I was hitting my cervix, so I literally could've delivered them right where they needed to be for fertilization, plus I believe I was ovulating. I am extremely worrisome and I know that, since this already happened, I can't do much about it. but is there any risk of pregnancy from this scenario? I haven't read about anyone else in a scenario like this so I am extremely scared and confused. I posted something yesterday but I still am. Especially because my period didn't come this morning. this website states manual sex doesn't pose any risk for pregnancy, but my finger felt wet (but again, no visible sperm) I knew he ejaculated so the wetness was not precum, it was semen, ejaculate. his clothes were saturated but again, nothing visible. this website says even if you know precum was present, there's no risk, what about cum? can someone clarify?

[Heather]

Dani. I am sorry you are having such a hard time with this, but I need to ask you to please stop seeking reassurance here and posting the same questions again and again. If it worked to keep being reassured, you'd feel better by now.

Please circle back to our previous replies to you, and the links we gave you to read, and please try and calm yourself down first so you can really take the information in.

Also understand that a period is not considered medically late when it does not show up the day someone is expecting it, because periods have a standard five day deviation in terms of when they generally show up for people from month to month. A late period is one five or more days later than the day it is expected based on previous cycles.

Last time: this is not a way you could have become pregnant: You cannot become pregnant when you have pants on. (or when your partner did.)

As I said earlier, if you can’t let this go and need to know your pregnancy status, a pregnancy test is the only way to get that answer, and it is clear to me seeing that result may be the only thing to get you to believe that you are undoubtedly not pregnant. Your period also may well be late this cycle from all this stress, so you may need to calm down for it to show up, too.

When you’re past this scare, if you want to talk through how to make sexual choices that don’t leave you feeling like this, we’re happy to do that with you. This is a really crummy way to feel after sex and it is usually avoidable.

[dani10872628]

i’m sorry about this new post i am just really terrified. i know i can’t get pregnant if i have pants on, i know that, but i touched the outside of his pants and outside of his underwear which were saturated after he came, and fingered myself like seconds later, it was fresh, like my finger felt cold and like it was gonna dry idk if it was fully dry before i fingered myself and made contact with my cervix, mine is low so i know i did, and again there was no visible sperm, but i know he came, and i touched his clothes all over, both the underwear and sweats, but not IN his underwear or his penis directly, please does anyone get what im saying? please??? the clothes were saturated with sperm is that not a risk?? my fingers felt wet?? i fingered myself immediately? but it wasn’t a pool or glob or fat smear or anything? maybe some shine i just felt some wetness like i felt the cold i felt something about to evaporate?? please? my period is always regular? and i know, i know i should be careful, i was on opill when this happened but 2 pills in, so it didn’t take the 48 hour effect yet? please?

[Heather]

I need you to hear me after this post and respect the boundary I am setting with you. Please do not post about this scare any more after this. We're not going to let through any more posts you make in this scare from here on out. That's not because we're angry or anything, it's because this just isn't a good use of any of our time or energy, as it's not what is most likely to help, and we, as all people do, have and need limits.

I know this feels scary, and I am sorry it does (most of us with a uterus have been in a scare at least once in our lives, and I'm someone who got sometimes life-threateningly ill with pregnancies and also always miscarried, so trust when I say I get feeling scared about pregnancy), but as we make clear in our user policies about this, which you agreed to when you registered, we will not keep reassuring users with scares like this, and it isn't okay to keep asking us to. Not only does reassurance like this only kelp keep you in anxiety, it keeps us from helping you in ways we know *can* help, and helping other users.

Let me try and make this as clear as I can one more time. I get what you are saying. I think the trouble is you are unable to calm down enough to hear and accept what *we* are saying. It also seems clear you either aren't reading the links we have shared or again, are trying to read them when you are too worked up for your brain to take the information in.

Your partner ejaculated in his own pants. As explained in one of the links we gave you, any of that fluid that made it through to the other side was not anything that can cause pregnancy because:
1) Sperm cells are much too delicate to stay motile (able to move) if they manage to be smooshed through fabric with semen.
2) The propulsion of an ejaculation and the alkaline semen in that ejaculation are both needed -- and all of that semen, not some -- to get sperm cells to the cervix while protecting them from the acidic environment of the vagina.

I can also practically guarantee you your period has not come every 31 days since you had it, periods are just never rthat regular, unless you have only had it for a year or two and it -- which would be very, very rare -- was that regular from the start. Like I said, they have a five day deviation period: so, it not coming THE day you expect it is not a late period and is not unusual, even if so far it has been unusual for you. But what's more likely is that only since you have been doing sexual things have you even paid much attention to when it comes, and you have probably just not been noticing the times it came in 27 days or 35 days.

It sounds like you also keep getting scared about pregnancy, if you took the opill right before this happened. That says to me -- especially if you took it for something like this, not because of unprotected intercourse -- that you are just absolutely not feeling ready for any of this. Maybe that's because you don't fully understand how reproduction works, maybe that's because you're moving too fast for yourself, maybe that's because the stakes are just too high for you right now when it comes to pregnancy, but my very best advice for you to get through this is 1) to take that pregnancy test you talked about taking so you can see what I am certain is a negative result, and then 2) take a break from genital sex until you can figure out what you need to feel secure having it when it comes to pregnancy prevention.

And if that test and doing that and all we have shared with you here still leaves you panicked and spun out, then it's time for some next-level help, like the help of a therapist or other crisis worker. But I need you to understand that this needs to be the last time you ask us anything about this scare. Like I said, once you are all the way through it, I'd be happy to talk with you to help you figure out what you need in order to later feel differently about sex and pregnancy risks, but we're not giving you any more replies regarding this scare. You have all of the information and help we can possibly give you, and we simply lack the ability to make you believe us or to help you wuith this any more than we have.

I truly hope you can sort out what you need to do from here to help yourself calm down and feel better. <3