IUD

[Cjen]

Can someone get pregnant if they have an iud but have never had penetrative sex, but she checked her iud strings and had cum/spit on her hand? I took a pregnancy test at 19 and 23 days after and both were negative but i’m still so fearful. also if he had pants on and she didn’t and they dry humped?

[lilikoi]

Hi Cjen! Welcome to the boards!

Semen cannot travel through clothes. Have a look at this article which offers some explanation about the fragility of sperm.

In regards to your other question, in order to become pregnant from semen on a hand, it would have to be placed on the vulva immediately after ejaculation. Even if that were the case, an IUD is extremely effective at preventive pregnancy so I would not be concerned about it. In case another question comes up in the future, check out The Pregnancy Panic Companion!

[Cjen]

it was a couple minutes maybe 5-7 minutes later, and i had wiped my hand with a towel as well. i have had so much anxiety and stress over this and idk why

[lilikoi]

Hi Cjen,

Unfortunately some of the only education we get about sex is a fear of pregnancy at the wrong time. I highly recommend those articles and maybe this one too! A lot of our users are empowered once they understand the process of conception and birth control better!

Have you experienced this level of anxiety related to pregnancy and sex much before?

[Cjen]

yes unfortunately. I feel like in high school we didn’t get much education about it. I have an iud and i am unsure how it even works. I assumed you could get pregnant without penetrative sex. I just knew it took a sperm and egg

[lilikoi]

You're not alone! Before volunteering here, I did not have a great understanding either! Sex should be fun, but it takes some education to get there. I wonder if they keep us in the dark in school to scare us out of exploring. Have a look through the articles and let us know if you have any other questions we can help with!

[Cjen]

it’s just hard to know because you don’t get a period with an iud. It makes my brain spin in circles because of the uncertainty

[lilikoi]

Do you like your IUD otherwise? If it's a good fit for you in every other way, it is worth calming your anxiety regarding pregnancy. The effectiveness rate is very high for an IUD and if you follow it up with negative pregnancy tests like you did in this instance, you don't have to worry. For some of our users who struggle with this, we also recommend psychotherapy to manage symptoms of anxiety to be able to enjoy safe sex without concern. Have you considered therapy?

[Cjen]

I am in therapy but I have never talked about this area. I have never had sex so i don’t want to be looked at as silly. i honestly love my iud. it’s my second one.

[lilikoi]

Oh awesome and awesome! Stick with what you love! You are not alone in this fear and a good therapist would not think of you as silly! Anxiety is just the fear of future unknowns.

Sex of any kind (insertive, manual, oral, making out, dry humping) is vulnerable and risky. Navigating something like that can easily trigger anxious thoughts. Plus, if you're interested in having insertive sex one day, there will be a higher likelihood of pregnancy. Having the conversation now could give you tools to lull your anxieties regarding sex in general.

You could start the conversation by saying something like, "I want to enjoy myself with partners but I get this feeling and fear that I could be pregnant. I've talked about it with professionals and done my research and I know that I am not pregnant but I still start to worry." Is that helpful to see written out like that or is there some other way I could offer support?

[Cjen]

that is actually helpful! i really do appreciate your help and just being so kind. this subject is taboo and I am just so thankful for your help!

[lilikoi]

If you feel comfortable, let us know how it goes with your therapist! I know it's hard to start the conversation about a taboo topic but sex is a part of every human life. We poop, we sneeze, we orgasm, we bleed. You should be able to talk about it; especially with a medical professional. Take care!