So am I ace or what

Any questions or discussions that you ONLY want to discuss with our staff or volunteers.
(Users: please do not reply to other users here.)
SpiralStatic
not a newbie
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2015 10:41 pm
Age: 23
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: who knows?
Location: United States

So am I ace or what

Unread post by SpiralStatic »

Okay, so this is a bit multifaceted.

1) I don't experience sexual attraction, I guess. I don't want to do sexual things with anyone in particular. I don't get crushes, and I don't think anyone is "hot".

2) However, I do want to experience those sorts of things some day. Not now, in particular, but eventually. A couple years down the road from now, perhaps.

3) That leads to point three. Even if I'm not ready to do stuff with a partner, I would rather like to try things out on my own. The only problem is that in my multiple attempts at masturbation, all have ended in boredom and failure. Nothing does it for me, even if I'm quite aroused.

I've looked into this quite a bit, to see if I'm doing something wrong, but it's dull no matter what I do. Did I miss something, or is this a "thing"?
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9552
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: So am I ace or what

Unread post by Heather »

Ultimately, no one can ever tell anyone what their orientation is. What, if any, terms or frameworks someone uses for orientation is about our own observations of the patterns of our feelings or relationships over time, what we make of them, and then what, if anythjng, we want to call ourselves in this regard.

People who identify as asexual usually do because they have observed a pattern, over time, of a lack of desire to be sexual with other people. If that sounds like you, and feels like a framework that works for you, that is certainly one option.

But too, know that how wide a sphere of attraction people have - how many people they tend to feel sexual desire for - varies very widely, and for people in very small communities, and/or with a very slim sphere of attraction, if can often take time and being in larger and more diverse communities for them to find those to whom they are attracted.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic