Scarleteen

I live in an absitnence sex ed only state so I know that my sex education is quite a bit bias. There are two things that I was taught that stuck with me and I wonder if they are true or if they are myths spread to scare teens into not having sex.

1. I was told that it is safer to avoid having casaul sex with multiple different people because each time you have sex you are creating a "bond" with that person and constantly making and breaking bonds with casual partners will make it harder to settle down with a serious partner later.
Is this an actual phenomenon that happens when you have sex with multiple partners or is this just a myth?

2. I was also told that penetrative sex between a man and a woman is always, or atleast a majority of the time, painful and uncomfortable for the woman. Is sex between a man and a woman usually painful for the woman? and if so is there a way to mitigate that discomfort?

Hey there, Seraph.

1) That is indeed a typical and manufactured myth about the hormone oxytocin: you can read more here. If things like that were true, parents couldn't bond with more than one child, we couldn't bond with more than one friend, poly folks couldn't bond with more than one partner, and people couldn't bond with more than one pet. We all will typically have bonds with multiple people or beings, and bonding with more than one person doesn't make us less able to bond with any one, either neurochemically or socially, and sexually or otherwise. Too, know that most people will have more than one sexual partner in life, including the people who make up that kind of stuff. For more about this, you can read: https://www.scarleteen.com/about/announ ... g-oxytocin

2) Intercourse -- which shouldn't feel like penetration when it happens, given the vagina is also an active organ with it's own pulling and gripping action, one reason that's a poor choice of terms for these kinds of sex -- is by no means always, often, or even ever, for some people, painful for a person with a vagina. When it is, it is typically that way because of things like that person not being sexually excited, not wanting that kind of sex, partners who are too aggressive or aren't paying attention to their partner, a lack of lubricant, or fear. For more about that, you can check out: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... ntercourse

I think it's helpful to remember that abstinence-based sex "educators" are typically not any kind of sex educator at all.

They rarely will have studied sexuality much at all, and when they do, rarely from reliable, science-based sources, and they also have agendas, as you're clearly very aware. They don't want people to know about sex to help them make whatever their own best and wanted choices are, they want to control people sexually by way of fear and misinformation, most often to serve a religious agenda.

Thank you SO much for taking time to respond to this post. I was partially skeptical about these things before but I am thankful that you were able to clear these things up

I'm glad Heather's response was helpful, Seraph! Feel free to let us know if you have any more questions. <3