What is romance

[zebraduck]

Apologies if this is a stupid question but I can't seem to find any actual answers to this. What exactly is a romantic relationship, and other than sex, what's the difference between them and friendships. And why do people want to get into them?

[Latha]

Hello Zebraduck!

No need to apologize, and it isn't a stupid question to ask about the distinction between romance and friendship. These concepts can mean different things to different people, and can overlap in ways that does make things confusing. (As an example, you've mentioned sex as something that happens in romantic relationships but not in friendships. That is true for how some people define their relationships, but other people do have sex with their friends.)

We'd be happy to discuss your question, but I think it is likely that we won't be able to give you a single answer that works for everyone. For that reason, while we talk, try to think about the kinds of friendships and/or relationships that you might want for yourself.

Reading your previous threads, it looks like we've touched on this subject before. Could you say a little about what makes you ask, this time?

[zebraduck]

I'm just trying to figure out what there is about romantic relationships that people in general want. I'm not trying to figure out what I would want for myself, but instead examples of what other people get out of them, and examples of definitions that work for others.

[Sofi]

Hi zebraduck,

You know, there really isn't one specific thing people want out of romantic relationships. That's for a few reasons, one being that we all want different things, and another being that there are no rules and each person can decide how they want their relationships to look. If you went around asking people who are in a romantic relationship how they define it, you'd get different answers from each person, which is why we can't give you a concrete answer - one does not exist.

In general, most people want the feeling of being in love and being loved, caring for someone and being cared for, and sharing life together (however that looks for them). Intimacy is another thing people often want and get out of romantic relationships, and that's not just sex or physical intimacy, but also emotional intimacy. The thing is, as Latha mentioned, we can get these things from a friend too, which is why some people are aromantic and never have a romantic relationship but still have love, care and companionship in their life. These aren't things ONLY a romantic partner can provide, but things most people are looking for in a romantic relationship.

You said you weren't asking for yourself - do you mean this is something you don't want? Or something you've already figured out for yourself, and are just curious about others?