Fantasies clashing with values

[Anon101]

(Sorry if I bring up something I shouldn’t, this is my first post)
For context, I’m 14 years old, and I’ve been watching porn as if they were YouTube videos since I was 5. Naturally, over the years, I got desensitized to it. The last time I remember being excited about porn was when I was around 9, and that’s also around the time I self learned what masturbation is. The kinds of videos I watched at an earlier age were very explicit, taboo fantasies I didn’t even know how to comprehend. I don’t watch them or want to anymore, and I would never, EVER act on any of them, nor do I have any impulses outside of my use of porn. I’m worried that at some point, my real values will start degrading along with my idealistic fantasies. I noticed recently I’ve started ‘modifying’ videos I watch using my imagination to make them darker, but I would never again watch videos centered around said fantasies the way I did before 9 years old.

My question is: How can I make sure I don’t fall deeper into this problematic use of porn? I’ve tried taking breaks, sometimes out of pure guilt, but my impulse to watch and masturbate wins every time. I usually masturbate to porn at least 3 times a day and I can feel it eating at me more and more

[lilikoi]

Hi there Anon101,

Welcome to the boards!

I appreciate the reflection you have put into your use of porn. It sounds like your relationship to sex and masturbation is something that doesn't feel great to you right now. Is there someone in your life who has broached these subjects with you before? Having a person to support your sexual development and understanding is so useful while you are going through adolescence!

Before diving into any specific suggestions, here are a few articles that we have on our main site related to porn and fantasy. Give these a read and respond back when you're done with remaining questions for us! Pay close attention to the section called "Considerations and Prompts for Connecting to Sexual Fantasy in a Healthy Way".

How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms

Bare Bodies