Every time i think im about to orgasm the sensation stops

[xzslain]

my boyfriend frequently fingers me, while it does feel good there has been moments where i think im about to come to the point where im tweaking out and then the sensation just stops and im back to square one. is it something im doing wrong ?

[Latha]

Hi there, Xzslain--welcome to the boards!

We can talk about what you might try to work around this pattern that you've noticed, but I wouldn't say there is anything particularly wrong with what you are doing. Of all the issues people can have with sex, sensation dropping away before orgasm, or having an orgasm that doesn't feel like much and isn't satisfying are among the more common.

To start, I have some questions: Have you ever noticed this sensation when you masturbate (if you do)? What does it feel like in your body after the sensation stops? (Does it still feel good to continue, or is it too much?)

[xzslain]

hi! Ive never masturbated before but the type of sensation is more of a feeling like im about to release and ends up stopping

[KierC]

Hi xzslain!

I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing this. I know it can be really frustrating when you’re expecting to orgasm and it goes away. Would you say you feel particularly relaxed and aroused when this happens? I ask because sometimes it can be hard to orgasm when you’re stressed about something or when you’re not very aroused in the beginning.

We also have a great advice column on our site that addresses this question (you’re far from alone in this!) that you may want to check out: When The Big-O Is A No-Show

Is there a reason you haven’t masturbated before? Is it out of not being interested, or another reason? We find that masturbation allows folks to explore their bodies and what feels good for them on their own time. This can be really helpful when you’re exploring sex for the first time, because if you’re your own first, sexual interactions with others can go a bit smoother and be more pleasureful overall.

[xzslain]

i do feel arousal and relaxed in the situation

as for your other question ive just never felt the need to masturbate before. Previously when ive tried i havent been able to get aroused enough in order to masturbate.

[Heather]

So, one thing I want to mention is that most people don't first experience orgasm with a partner, but through their own masturbation, and there are a few likely reasons for that.

For one, even when we feel safe and comfortable with partners, someone else being there with their own wants and needs and feelings -- including about our responses -- does tend to put extra pressure on. Any pressure to orgasm, be it from others or ourselves, always, always makes orgasm less likely. Too, often reaching orgasm with a partner means we have to be doing a good deal of communicating to them what we want and how we feel, and them being very responsive to that communication. That's stuff that tends to take time for people to develop, and it can be especially tricky when everyone involved is young and new to being sexual with a partner. When we're on our own, it's often easier to feel like it's no big to just explore without any goals (like orgasm), to take the time we want, and just do what feels good without worrying about anyone else. On top of that, we will simply generally know our own bodies better than someone else can.

That all given, I'd encourage you to go ahead and try exploring on your own -- and with the goal of pleasure, not orgasm. Because whether we are alone or with a partner, if we focus on orgasm, if feels like pressure to our brains, which, again, makes it less likely to happen. On the other hand, if we just focus on pleasure, and keep our focus there, orgasm is a lot more likely to happen, but even if it doesn't, it's often no big deal because everything has felt good anyway. People often forget that orgasm typically only lasts a few seconds, so while it can feel really good in those few seconds, it won't often feel any better than everything else feels if what you're doing al;ready feels great. Does that make sense?