Scarleteen

Heyyy, i have been thinking a lot and idk so imma start the story.

me and this guy we will call him R we started taking in february and we saw each other 2 times the first was to just say hi ( i snuck out to meet him in the playground and we made out) the second time was for the movies and we made out and i gave him head. Then along the lines of talking, he wrote me a long message saying how he is not ready for a relationship and i was like sure it’s his mental health i can’t beg him to stay with me( but he really grew on me and i liked him like a lot)

after that we only talked twice then this weekend he text me and he said yeah my mental health wasn’t too good and him telling all that was unfair to me and that he was just scared that we are going on too fast, and he said that he doesn’t like labels but he really likes me so and wants to try again. we both said we won’t be seeing other people and if people asked we can yeah we are boyfriend and girlfriend but we aren’t there yet.

We make plans to hangout out on sunday when we hung out on sunday and we had sex in his car ( we are both virgins) i freaked out abit in his car and asked if he had this intention in mind( to make it clear HE DID NOT FORCE ME) we just wanted to try it out and we ended up doing it and we finished up he walked me back home and this is what he said( I liked it i think being with you was the best decision i really enjoyed it a lot. I really liked your hugs after it made me feel very comfortable). Now lately we have been talking but he leaves me on read then come back and apologizes.

The part that i am worried about is that we always say goodnight to each other and he says it first and he says morning first since i am not a morning person and sleeps really late at night. but he hasn’t texted me this evening and idk if he is busy with school work or if he is feeling scared again and i want to talk to him about this as i really like and i lost my virginity to him. i know we moved way too fast and its a lot but i really want to know a way around it and how can i talk to him if he wants to slow down and just stick to something’s or if i am just overwhelmed and overthinking this ( he is still in highschool and i graduated 2 years early)

Hey 56Jojo, and welcome back to the boards

It sounds like not hearing back from him and noticing this shift in his responsiveness to you has got you really overwhelmed, which I can appreciate. Particularly after your first sexual experience, I understand how a change in responsiveness could feel really unsettling.

However, I don’t think this is necessarily a sign of something bad. We can’t predict or guess why he would not say goodnight last night. It’s happened once, so we also don’t know if something happened (like if he had a bad night), or if his mental health was weighing on him a little extra and he didn’t have the capacity, because it’s not necessarily a pattern yet. Know what I mean?

All this speculation aside, the only person who knows why he didn’t text you, or how he’s feeling, is him. After he didn’t text you last night, have you texted him since? Too, have you told him how you’re feeling and asked what’s up? That might be really helpful to settling some of your anxieties here.

Let me know how that sounds to you, and what sort of support would be most helpful for you right now. <3

(P.S. I edited your post to include line breaks, just so it’s easier to read.)

Thank you for writing back to me and editing post i know it was a long read. I sent a streak this morning and a replied to that we talked for a bit then he reacted to my last message and i just think i am being dramatic about him and all because i am scared he doesn’t like me as much as i thought or maybe he doesn’t idk.

I was thinking of giving it till the weekend because we hangout on the weekend and just ask him what is up. I think it’s just my anxiety giving in. and i am trying to work on that because i don’t really get anxious about a guy not texting but it’s different with him i don’t know why. So i will see how this week goes to see if it was in my head or it is actually real.

Thank you for reading and giving me advice and a new perspective

Hi there! No worries at all, I'm glad that Kier's answer has been helpful to you.

I hope the hangout this weekend goes well! Asking him directly is definitely the best way to go. Growing anxious over this is completely understandable, too--it sounds like the last few interaction you've had with him were great. Do you think it'd be useful for you to read some of our articles about sharing your thoughts to him and managing your anxieties?