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I'm struggling to orgasm. I have to put a lot of pressure to get little to no pleasure. My orgasms are not satisfactory. Despite warming up with foreplay. Sometimes I even struggle in getting wet. I usually end up getting hurt to do this and dissatisfied what do I do???

Hi there, Tealscarf.

I saw the reply you posted in a different thread, and I wanted to add it here for context:

I need help
I'm struggling to orgasm properly. It feels as if I've numbed out. I have to put a lot of pressure on my clit but sometimes even that doesn't work. I end up getting hurt and feeling dissatisfied despite trying to warm up with foreplay. What do I do????

It sounds like you might be asking about a couple things here, starting with how to use your vibrator. That's the easier part of this, so let me start there.

Generally, you don't want to use a lot of pressure with a vibrator on the clitoris, because you're right, it will tend to overstimulate that very sensitive area, and can leave it feeling numbed out, like you said. Instead, you usually will only want to hold it over the area very lightly, and let the vibration patterns of the toy do the work, turning it up when you want more stimulation rather than pressing it closer to your body. That's generally a kind of pressure people will save for when they are vary close to orgasm or experiencing orgasm.

It's really common for orgasms to be a little mid when you're fairly new to masturbation or any kind of sex with a partner: there's a learning curve to all of this, and it isn't just about what we do physically. In fact, when it comes to orgasm, often at least half the deal is about what's in our heads. So, before you even start masturbating or having any kind of sex with a partner, are you already very sexually excited? Or are you starting when you're not really there yet?

You mention foreplay: that's a term that some people mean to describe kinds of sex or other things they do before genital intercourse (though we queer folks usually will just call all of those things sex, because they are). Is that what you mean when you use that word. If so, those things you are doing before intercourse: are you enjoying yourself and feeling excited by them? If not, can you say more about what you mean by foreplay?

Lastly, I'm not sure about what your expectations are when it comes to vaginal lubrication that happens on it's own, but most people will either need or will just plain want lubricant for activities where there is any friction. The idea most people don't use or need lube isn't based in reality.

How wet someone is or not on their own, without lube, varies a lot from day to day and person to person, but to self-lubricate, for people who tend to do that, we also generally need to be very turned on/sexually excited -- is that something you are experiencing?

When I say foreplay I mean external teasing before I start focusing on my genitals. This includes of groping, (tickling?? Basically rubbing sensitive areas like my back), setting the mood with whatever makes me comfy in bed.
I don't have any lube, and for the sake of a vibrator I use an electric toothbrush which honestly doesn't do much but I use it out of desperation.
My clitoris seems really unresponsive these days, I'm capable of experiencing proper orgasms, I've been doing it for a long time.
But when I reach this state of unresponsive i don't know how to fix it
Please helppp!

Out of desperation i end up hurting myself but sudden penetration with my finger(s) immediately aiming for my g spot. Gives me pleasure for a while but never close to actual satisfaction. Quickies feel quicker than they should. It feels quick and detached.

I've even tried arousing myself through porn and stuff. Although I get aroused, my body doesn't react much, rather it's just my head.
I hate feeling so werid and strange but not being able to do anything about it .

Hi Tealscarf! It sounds like you're doing a lot of things right. What you're saying about touching other parts of your body, making sure you're in a comfortable space, making sure you're mentally aroused, those are all really good practices that we recommend. This article mentions those things plus a few other ideas that could help: Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation.

It sounds like what you're saying is that you used to find it easier and more pleasurable to orgasm but it's been harder lately? That can happen sometimes! There are all sorts of internal and external factors that can affect how our bodies are responding. Sometimes what happens is that we can get into kind of a loop where our body is reacting differently for whatever reason and that makes us anxious or uncomfortable and those feelings make it harder to get aroused, which makes us feel worse, and it keeps going. So my biggest piece of advice is to try to be gentle with your body and not force it. Acting out of frustration or desperation, especially if you do something that hurts or makes you feel bad, can be counterproductive. If you find yourself getting frustrated or it's not fun anymore, take a break and do something else that's comforting or fun or distracting or soothing for you and come back to it later.

Instead, I think experimenting with some new sensations or contexts could help. Fantasizing, like the article I linked above says, or reading or watching or listening to something that turns you can help a lot. It doesn't have to be porn necessarily, it can be anything that turns you on. It sounds like you don't have a lot of options for sex toys, but this article has some ideas for other things besides your toothbrush you could use, and maybe a new sensation could shake things up: D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition. I also think that using some form of lubricant could be really beneficial. If you can't buy any yourself, body safe oils like olive oil or coconut oil can be used, though you should do a spot test first just to make sure that your skin won't react to them. There's more information about lube here: Lube 101: A Slick Little Primer .

Again, what you're experiencing is quite common and oftentimes will change on its own with time! But I hope some of these ideas are helpful.