Scarleteen

The last relationship I was in it was a one and off relationship the reason why it was a on and off relationship was because her family didn’t like me. They think that I’m a coward apparently I didn’t defend her when my auntie and uncle was saying stuff like she’s retarded and saying she couldn’t do her hair all of this was happening back in 2022 I was 16 at the time.

I guess I made a mistake by telling this one friend of mine about what happened and she decided to tell a whole group chat about what my aunt and uncle had said about her and her mom found out. So her mom assumed I didn’t defend her and she ended up not liking me because of other people’s words and her family found out and went along with it thinking I’m too scared to defend her I’m like bro you didn’t even know what I responded to them at least they could do is ask me what happened instead of making up shit that you really don’t know about.

They were calling her retarded because she was autistic now I didn’t what was having autism was at the time I thought it was her having sensitive ears like certain things will make her ear hurt so I didn’t explain to them because I didn’t know the symptoms were. I learned that I was autistic myself so I guess they calling me retarded now since I’m autistic. Me and her both have high functioning autism and me and her are normal people I don’t know why they acting like she haves Down syndrome.

So that’s why we aren’t today even till this day in 2026 we broke up back in February now I don’t consider it a relationship since we only dated for a week it was more like catching up with a old friend. To be honest I’m happy that we aren’t together anymore I couldn’t imagine having to deal with her family for the rest of my life and the stress and drama that’ll come to me. I really hope my next relationship I won’t have to date someone who family that doesn’t like me. I probably missed up on some spelling error but I hope you are able to read it and understand what happened. Anyways I wanna know your opinion on the whole thing and did I missed up my relationship?

Hey Silver Falcon,

A really important note I want to start with is that neurodivergence is a natural and normal part of human life, and so folks who are autistic and have high support needs, or people who do have chromosomal conditions like down syndrome, and all of us with disabilities, all deserve respect. The things your family said about her weren’t okay, and wouldn’t be okay to say about anyone- which I think you probably understand.

When we are young, and people who are older than us, or that we love and respect, say/do something really harmful, it can be hard to know how to respond. I can understand why you might have been scared or unsure of how to stand up to them about this, and frustrating that this girl’s family didn’t care to hear more about how you felt about the situation and judged you for other’s words and actions rather than your own.

I think it makes sense that you don’t think of this much as a relationship. One week is quite quick, and in a more developed relationship, you’d get more time to be with someone through complications, upset feelings, learning what kind of support each other need, etc. In that sense, I don’t think it would be fair to yourself to thinking of this as having “messed up” something here: it doesn’t seem like the conditions of familial involvement, understanding of each other, and maybe interest in general were leading to something longer term. I do think, also, that if this is sticking in your mind, there’s some lessons to take from the situation.

What would you do now if you heard people in your life, like family, talking about someone else in a way that was cruel or harmful? Do you feel comfortable standing up to them? Do they ever talk about you like this?

Why do you think you are reflecting on this now? Do you often think about this experience?

It seems like having the support of a partner’s family, or a good relationship with them, would be a goal for you in the future. Family can mean a lot of different things to different people. Not everyone has the same level of importance or involvement of their relatives. My point is that, if you are looking for a relationship, rather than ruling out folks who have crappy relatives, it probably will make more sense to consider the potential partner’s values around family, who they go to for support, who they want to be involved in their lives, etc.

Thank you for responding to my message a few things I can reflect is that I should’ve taken it a bit slower when getting to know her, I shouldn’t tell people my business especially if they not trust worthy and they’ll go back and telling everybody your business, I should’ve ended the relationship a long time ago. I mean this was all 4 years ago and it was my first relationship so of course I was going to make a lot of mistakes and I know better and know what I want in my future relationship. And everything else’s I agree with you.