romance. not normally my scene.
Posted: Tue May 12, 2026 2:00 am
last time i was here i was at one of my lowest points. i can proudly say now, i am doing so much better. i'm surrounded by genuine people who bring me real joy, and i'm working through a lot of my troubles in therapy. recently i realized i'm actually further up the aromantic spectrum than i had initially assumed. originally i thought i experienced no romantic attraction, i am now learning i experience it rarely. i really like this guy. i thought i was purely aromantic for all my life, i'm 20 and i just met this guy who i cannot get enough of. problem is, he's not all that dedicated to me.
when i met him we clicked almost immediately, we had this chemistry i never felt between myself and another person before. the conversation and the flirting came so naturally, like it was just meant to be. fast forward to a couple of dates, we're getting close--i've had my first kiss with him and with anyone, actually. i finally tell him that we should talk about us, figure out what we are. he says he's not sure if he's ready for a relationship. he also hooks up with another girl. ouch. but also not ouch, because why would i be mad or upset at this guy when we aren't even together? there's no loyalty set in stone yet. so i just let it go, and give in to temptation every once in a while by kissing him again. this girl approaches me, lets me know that he's trying to talk to her again (because she assumed the two of us were together by this point). he gets a bit upset about the idea of people thinking we're together so he breaks things off with me. genuinely heartbreaking, if not for two days later when we caved in to our desire for one another yet again and he apologized for being too harsh. i don't know what to do. this back and forth is killing me--i know he said he wasn't ready but it's starting to feel like we're really attached to each other to just be "friends" now. i think the weirdest part is that he got insanely jealous when he heard about me seeing someone else and kissing them. he didn't say this to me, i could just tell., and so could everyone in the room--because they were the ones who mentioned his frequent glances to me. i think he's struggling with his own promise to stay noncommittal. his whole "i need to work on myself" is collapsing and its probably freaking him out. i should talk to him. i should definitely talk to him. but what do i even say? is this even a relationship worth saving? my tarot cards strongly advised me to hold onto him, my therapist advised me to go for it-- but all my friends say he's an idiot. i'm kind of nervous to be the one who has to lock in and do all of this, i wish he was more confrontational or at least communicative. it feels like its all on me. maybe thats just one of the things he needs to work on? i wouldn't mind staying around and helping him with that journey.
it's just weird because i've never liked someone like this before. i've never kissed someone before him. or had these conversations or romantic moments--just any of this. that's not the reason i like him though, i had been worried that maybe i'd get too attached because he's my first everything--but i think i'm attached entirely because of what we have. the only reason i was flirting with this other person and kissing them was because i was convinced my time with this guy was over and i needed to move on by going for someone else. but i could not stop thinking about this boy the entire time i was there. it's so frustrating. i just can't believe all the poets and the songwriters were right and i just had been missing out on this for so long in my life. i'm so down bad that i've actually joined them and written poetry about this all myself.
when i met him we clicked almost immediately, we had this chemistry i never felt between myself and another person before. the conversation and the flirting came so naturally, like it was just meant to be. fast forward to a couple of dates, we're getting close--i've had my first kiss with him and with anyone, actually. i finally tell him that we should talk about us, figure out what we are. he says he's not sure if he's ready for a relationship. he also hooks up with another girl. ouch. but also not ouch, because why would i be mad or upset at this guy when we aren't even together? there's no loyalty set in stone yet. so i just let it go, and give in to temptation every once in a while by kissing him again. this girl approaches me, lets me know that he's trying to talk to her again (because she assumed the two of us were together by this point). he gets a bit upset about the idea of people thinking we're together so he breaks things off with me. genuinely heartbreaking, if not for two days later when we caved in to our desire for one another yet again and he apologized for being too harsh. i don't know what to do. this back and forth is killing me--i know he said he wasn't ready but it's starting to feel like we're really attached to each other to just be "friends" now. i think the weirdest part is that he got insanely jealous when he heard about me seeing someone else and kissing them. he didn't say this to me, i could just tell., and so could everyone in the room--because they were the ones who mentioned his frequent glances to me. i think he's struggling with his own promise to stay noncommittal. his whole "i need to work on myself" is collapsing and its probably freaking him out. i should talk to him. i should definitely talk to him. but what do i even say? is this even a relationship worth saving? my tarot cards strongly advised me to hold onto him, my therapist advised me to go for it-- but all my friends say he's an idiot. i'm kind of nervous to be the one who has to lock in and do all of this, i wish he was more confrontational or at least communicative. it feels like its all on me. maybe thats just one of the things he needs to work on? i wouldn't mind staying around and helping him with that journey.
it's just weird because i've never liked someone like this before. i've never kissed someone before him. or had these conversations or romantic moments--just any of this. that's not the reason i like him though, i had been worried that maybe i'd get too attached because he's my first everything--but i think i'm attached entirely because of what we have. the only reason i was flirting with this other person and kissing them was because i was convinced my time with this guy was over and i needed to move on by going for someone else. but i could not stop thinking about this boy the entire time i was there. it's so frustrating. i just can't believe all the poets and the songwriters were right and i just had been missing out on this for so long in my life. i'm so down bad that i've actually joined them and written poetry about this all myself.