after a lot of “firsts” in 2024, i’ve been spending more time focused on “becoming a sexpert,” lurking on these boards, reflecting on and continuing to process my own partnered experiences, and learning as much as I can. weirdly, it almost feels like my momentary fixation on sex has made me way less interested in sex. I don’t think I “know all I can know,” especially because I have a lot of experience ahead of me that I will learn and grow from, but it does almost feel like sex has lost its mystique to me. has anyone else felt themselves change like this?
I don’t get excited by strangers like some people do, and I would say I’m one of those people who needs a “strong connection” built on trust in order to even feel attracted to someone. (think: similar to how some people describe “demisexual,”)
for reasons that may be obvious, I only really feel interested in the idea of sex with someone I really trust, and in my life right now I don’t think there are any of these candidates, so it’s almost like the lack of sexual opportunity with others makes me feel like my sexuality has been turned down a notch? which is frustrating! I wish I could have fun alone but I feel like when I was with a partner everything was a lot more exciting. I am rarely (if ever) aroused recently, only “interested” in stuff. isn’t that funny!
I just didn’t realize that arousal could be affected situationally like that, I always thought it was something that ebbed and flowed but kinda did its own thing regardless of circumstance. turns out, as I’m learning, the brain is a lot more interconnected than I thought. lately I’ve been considering titrating down from an SSRI that I’ve been on for 7+ years, which is a whole other decision in and of itself, but there is a possibility that may change things related to arousal and sensation and all that. part of me feels kind of mad at the lack of choice about being put on a med that could be affecting how I experience those things . . .
I think there’s a lot of positives to de-mystifying sex, like an increase of awareness in one’s own boundaries and feelings, for one. when sex is thought of as a special unlike-anything-else kind of thing, I imagine that people forget to check-in, letting purely expectations run their course instead of their own feelings. I guess I still just worry that in any future partnership I’ll fail to recognize my own feelings, or a partner’s feelings, or something like that. I think I hold a lot of self-doubt and I know that inhibits me.
sexuality is fun, fulfilling, exciting, wonderful, et cetera, but for (as I imagine) a lot of us, it doesn’t always feel like those things. is anyone else feeling like their own expectations or past experiences are bogging them down?
thoughtfully,
darkingbog
