Scarleteen

Context: I've never orgasmed before nor have I ever been sexually stimulated. I've never had partner sex either.

I'm trying to masturbate for the first time by manually stimulating my clitoris - I do it when I'm wet and I basically do quick up and down movements continuosly with my finger. After like 30 secs I get intense convulsions and my entire body stops being in my control. I just keep going in the hopes of finishing but I just keep thrashing around for 10 to 15 mins and I stop after that. These 10 mins are very intense and it's like I'm flailing around or involuntarily moving the whole time.

My body automatically curls up into a ball I just arc and my thighs involuntarily squeeze together even if I started with them wide apart. Throughout the entire thing I tried going at the same speed without stopping.

It's not painful or anything, but I don't feel any pleasure. Initially I was too focused on reaching the end but in the next tries, I started being calmer.

But I am never able to finish. And even after I give up, and stop stimulating at all and keep my legs wide apart, the convulsions take a decent amount of time to go away. My body keeps arcing and I think that means pelvic contractions.

My questions are, what is this and why is this happening? Isn't the seizure supposed to happen only at the end. Am I overstimulating? Is there something wrong with my body or mind? Or is my technique wrong?

Hi bumbleBee, welcome to the boards

First of all, to answer the question on the title of your post: nope, you're not masturbating "wrong." There's no "right" masturbation or partnered sex technique; instead, what works for one person may not work for someone else, because everyone's bodies are different. Relatedly, our sexual response (which you can read more about here: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... sers-guide) doesn't have one specific look and feel -- if we refer to the Masters and Johnson sexual response model mentioned in the article, how we experience desire, arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution varies. Some people's sexual response may not even involve all the steps mentioned in the Masters and Johnson model, and that's okay. We can share more articles about this if you'd like to learn more.

By "finishing," did you mean orgasm? If that's the case, what are your expectations on your own orgasm? To some people, it may feel very intense and their bodies may physically move a lot like you mentioned on your post, but to others, their orgasm may be more quiet and subtle. It sounds like you've experienced orgasm, and you continued to stimulate yourself after becoming hypersensitive. I'd also like to make sure that you're not experiencing literal seizures, because that's a serious medical emergency that we cannot help you with. ;;

Hi char,

Thanks so much for responding! I am really confused and I'm in need of some real advice and have no other reliable means of getting it, so I appreciate your response a lot.

I feel like I'm not experiencing orgasm because of the lack of the following feelings:
1. There's no wave of calm or pleasure for me like it's supposed to be.
2. I didn't feel any build up and release.
3. I didn't ejaculate or release any fluid.
4. I don't know if this is a result of my over expectations but it felt a bit underwhelming as I expected some sort of closure and release.

And no, I'm not experiencing literal seizures. I'm sorry for saying that. I should've used a better word for it.

Hi there, bumblebee.

It does sound like your expectations for your own sexual response may not be realistic.

For one, while many people with a vagina and vulva can ejaculate, not everyone can, and for people who do, it won't often be something that happens without pretty targeted g-spot stimulation, something that usually only happens with toys used vaginally, or with some kinds of partnered sex. Masturbation that only or mostly involves the external portions of the clitoris aren't how ejaculation usually happens for people who ejaculate, so it's not surprising to me that you're not experiencing it.

It may be that what's been happening here is that you are starting off with too much intense movement over a very sensitive body part, one that can easily become overstimulated -- and then feel very hypersensitive, as it sounds like it has been, which can then make it feel more like being tickled when you don't want to be tickled than wanted pleasure. It is also possible you have been experiencing orgasm, but if you're not feeling any sort of build during this, and you don't feel at all satisfied or relaxed afterwards, that seems less likely. Mind, to feel satisfied from sex, whether it's masturbation alone or sex with a partner, we usually need to experience more than just orgasm. Orgasm all by itself often won't leave people feeling especially satisfied: for that, you usually need to also experience pleasure during what you're doing, take real time to explore pleasure (and not just with one tiny part of the body, but often with more of your body and more of your mind), and come to sex TO explore pleasure, not with the aim of just reaching orgasm. Do you know what I mean? If not, you might find this recent column of mine here of help: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... -or-orgasm

Can I ask what motivates you to masturbate? Are you seeking it out when you feel sexually excited already, or is it more something that feels like a thing you are trying to do with a product in mind, and where you're doing things to your body but not feeling especially turned on before and during? Too, how are you choosing which parts of your body to explore and what to think about during? Do you have real time and privacy to take the time when you masturbate to feel around with more than your clitoris, and to fantasize, or are you in a hurry for some reason, like worry someone will walk in on you?