Seeking advice on sex/relationships- without dating apps
Posted: Mon May 18, 2026 7:45 pm
Hello,
I am a nonbinary lesbian in my early 20's, and I am looking to start dating/have sex for the first time. I have never been in a relationship before, and have only ever had one kiss from a close friend of mine. For one, dating apps terrify the ever-living hell out of me for a number of reasons, and going to gay bars alone makes me really uncomfortable. I want to "get out there", but I don't know how to do it.
For context:
I moved from a small-ish city in the southern united states to a larger city in Ireland about a year ago, when my mother basically forced me to accept a university offer here, instead of moving to California like I had originally wanted to. While I have made some friends here, and even attend a local meet up/support group for queer women regularly I feel more isolated than I did back home, despite me getting out more than I did.
I am in a couple clubs at my university, and attend events pretty regularly, but the university I am at does not really feel like the kind of place where I can find a date, as things seem to feel more about friendships than anything else. I do have friends outside of the clubs, but they are often very busy. I also did not manage to make any friends in my classes, as I did not really attend them due to severe depression the past two semesters. Thus, I have even fewer friends I can hang out with now that classes are over.
I have a few friends outside of university, but they are also often busy, and difficult to get to do anything with. The local support group I regularly attend is a social thing, and has been dwindling for a while now. My GP recommended a queer board game night thing to me, but they only meet a couple times a month and it is mostly men. I would go to the 2 decent gay bars in town more, but I don't really have anyone to go with and I hate going alone.
I have had one person in the 12 months show any sort of open sexual interest in me (that I would be willing to reciprocate), and they friend-zoned me the next day (nothing happened that night besides chatting). The only other chance I had, I fumbled it.
While I am no longer severely depressed, I have found it difficult to make even new platonic friends here. There is a lot less for me to really do here, in terms of going out to places/events, since my interests lean heavily towards the nerdy/niche end of things and those interests are poorly served here TBF.
I want to at least get laid this summer since I have fuckall else to do besides read comics and catch up on my video game/book backlog, and the only girl i'm even kind of interested in atm is probably straight.
I am a nonbinary lesbian in my early 20's, and I am looking to start dating/have sex for the first time. I have never been in a relationship before, and have only ever had one kiss from a close friend of mine. For one, dating apps terrify the ever-living hell out of me for a number of reasons, and going to gay bars alone makes me really uncomfortable. I want to "get out there", but I don't know how to do it.
For context:
I moved from a small-ish city in the southern united states to a larger city in Ireland about a year ago, when my mother basically forced me to accept a university offer here, instead of moving to California like I had originally wanted to. While I have made some friends here, and even attend a local meet up/support group for queer women regularly I feel more isolated than I did back home, despite me getting out more than I did.
I am in a couple clubs at my university, and attend events pretty regularly, but the university I am at does not really feel like the kind of place where I can find a date, as things seem to feel more about friendships than anything else. I do have friends outside of the clubs, but they are often very busy. I also did not manage to make any friends in my classes, as I did not really attend them due to severe depression the past two semesters. Thus, I have even fewer friends I can hang out with now that classes are over.
I have a few friends outside of university, but they are also often busy, and difficult to get to do anything with. The local support group I regularly attend is a social thing, and has been dwindling for a while now. My GP recommended a queer board game night thing to me, but they only meet a couple times a month and it is mostly men. I would go to the 2 decent gay bars in town more, but I don't really have anyone to go with and I hate going alone.
I have had one person in the 12 months show any sort of open sexual interest in me (that I would be willing to reciprocate), and they friend-zoned me the next day (nothing happened that night besides chatting). The only other chance I had, I fumbled it.
While I am no longer severely depressed, I have found it difficult to make even new platonic friends here. There is a lot less for me to really do here, in terms of going out to places/events, since my interests lean heavily towards the nerdy/niche end of things and those interests are poorly served here TBF.
I want to at least get laid this summer since I have fuckall else to do besides read comics and catch up on my video game/book backlog, and the only girl i'm even kind of interested in atm is probably straight.