I Feel Really Bad, But Also As If I'm Right
Posted: Mon May 25, 2026 10:33 am
A week ago, a friend of mine (that we'll call N) left my friend group. She joined the friend group that gossiped and trash talked about us behind our backs. And after finding out the reason, I thought that I could talk to her to try and work it out. She said that A (a new addition to our group) was sensitive and possessive. I just thought it would be a small problem. A is very self aware and I know that if they both were willing, it would be fine. That she would eventually join back, that I could talk her in again. Lets just say, it went horribly. Truthfully, I wasn't good at convincing her either. I used the wrong words, the wrong arguments. But I felt so so angry at her responses. I felt discarded and looked-down upon.
And the next day, I ranted about it to my other friend who's also in the group, NL. N asked NL about the others reaction to N leaving, and mentioned how I was blabbering about how N was rude and selfish. And yeah, I know that I shouldn't have ranted to her. It was also gossiping. And then N texted me saying that she'll talk to me and A. But also in a really rude way. I told her off, saying that I was done. But I wasn't really, I told her that what I said was true. That she didn't seemed sorry or never apologized. And while a part of me was still angry, I felt so guilty. I know that what I did was wrong, I should have just shut up about it. But I let my anger and frustration took over.
When I remembered that it was her birthday though, I got her something. I got her a bracelet and let NL give it to N. But she hasn't said or texted me thank you or anything else. Just a "Hi". Which is something, but I expected for more.
And then me and my friend group were talking. A told me to not confront the other group. I guess that she said this because I confronted N a bit. I tried defending myself. They kept talking about her. I did my best, I tried to explain that N was somewhat wrong. I mean, its okay if she felt uncomfortable in our group. But did she HAVE to join the group that gossips about us? Did she HAVE to leave without trying to talk it out? Did she HAVE to be rude and pretentious about it?
I guess they thought that I would confront them or do something. I feel like what I said was neutral enough. And imo, Z (another member) was being neutral in a way that feels too blind to N's actions. Z said that both groups had wrongs and rights. And like, yeah, fair enough. But gossiping about us and making the girls in our grade dislike A (A was a part of that group before joining us) is a bit low. Z said that I have had instances where I talked about a secret with other people without their consent. I was a bit offended by this, and I asked when.
K (surprise surprise another member) said that I talked to someone else about a personal issue between us and that led K needing to explain herself. Z said that I confronted her bf about inappropriate texts between them in a group chat that made her feel ashamed of herself. And I felt so so so guilty.
I never really thought that that still affected them now. Which I guess supports that I was wrong and an ass-hole. But there is also a part of me that's saying that I was right (not about those times with K and Z, I know I was wrong 100%, but I'm more talking about my opinion of N, but not necessarily my actions with N).
How do I get myself out of this? Also, I'm sorry that its long. I wanted to let it all out and to give a better perspective. All would be appreciated.
And the next day, I ranted about it to my other friend who's also in the group, NL. N asked NL about the others reaction to N leaving, and mentioned how I was blabbering about how N was rude and selfish. And yeah, I know that I shouldn't have ranted to her. It was also gossiping. And then N texted me saying that she'll talk to me and A. But also in a really rude way. I told her off, saying that I was done. But I wasn't really, I told her that what I said was true. That she didn't seemed sorry or never apologized. And while a part of me was still angry, I felt so guilty. I know that what I did was wrong, I should have just shut up about it. But I let my anger and frustration took over.
When I remembered that it was her birthday though, I got her something. I got her a bracelet and let NL give it to N. But she hasn't said or texted me thank you or anything else. Just a "Hi". Which is something, but I expected for more.
And then me and my friend group were talking. A told me to not confront the other group. I guess that she said this because I confronted N a bit. I tried defending myself. They kept talking about her. I did my best, I tried to explain that N was somewhat wrong. I mean, its okay if she felt uncomfortable in our group. But did she HAVE to join the group that gossips about us? Did she HAVE to leave without trying to talk it out? Did she HAVE to be rude and pretentious about it?
I guess they thought that I would confront them or do something. I feel like what I said was neutral enough. And imo, Z (another member) was being neutral in a way that feels too blind to N's actions. Z said that both groups had wrongs and rights. And like, yeah, fair enough. But gossiping about us and making the girls in our grade dislike A (A was a part of that group before joining us) is a bit low. Z said that I have had instances where I talked about a secret with other people without their consent. I was a bit offended by this, and I asked when.
K (surprise surprise another member) said that I talked to someone else about a personal issue between us and that led K needing to explain herself. Z said that I confronted her bf about inappropriate texts between them in a group chat that made her feel ashamed of herself. And I felt so so so guilty.
I never really thought that that still affected them now. Which I guess supports that I was wrong and an ass-hole. But there is also a part of me that's saying that I was right (not about those times with K and Z, I know I was wrong 100%, but I'm more talking about my opinion of N, but not necessarily my actions with N).
How do I get myself out of this? Also, I'm sorry that its long. I wanted to let it all out and to give a better perspective. All would be appreciated.