i think i like my online friend???
Posted: Mon May 25, 2026 2:22 pm
so i met this girl online back in early february of this year through a mutual interest in a fandom we like and through playing roblox together. since that day, we've talked several times a day AND every single day since without fail and call at minimum 3 times a week, sometimes even more such as last week where we called every single day in the week. as we talk, we find more and more things we have in common such as music taste, we both draw, subculture, future goals, opinions on religion, our families and politics. ive never felt this aligned with anyone in my life before, far less anyone ive ever talked to online. i'll admit that i met her at a lonely time in my life during some friendship problems with my irl friend group, but my irl circle has since become more stable and i still feel so connected to this girl.
though i could confidently say a month ago that we were just really good friends, i feel ashamed to admit that my emotions have perhaps heightened to something more than that. gosh im so embarrassed to admit most of this but we do romantic roleplays aswell, sometimes nsfw and even that's a consistent thing we do daily now. we're really really close and we've expressed how neither of us has met anyone that we align with as much as the other person and send little heartwarming tiktoks to eachother from time to time. we've both seen eachothers faces, heard eachother's voices, know eachother so well. she's all i think about, even when im around irl friends, when im in class, its like shes occupying every little thought in my mind.
i appreciate this girl so much that i prioritise her over literally everyone in my life. when irls ask to call, id much rather talk to her. her timezone is 5 hours behind mine and i stay up until 5am on holiday nights to talk and hangout on call with her. even worse, ive been falling behind on schoolwork just thinking about this sweet, pretty and funny girl i talk to online.
thing is, ive never been in a romantic relationship before, not a completely certain one with a name on it. even worse, not an online one in particular. two of my irl friends are in online relationships with their two girlfriends and i get so so so jealous of them because i feel like i want that so so so bad with this girl it hurts. i feel stupid, like maybe its just because i met a fellow autistic person who has the same interests as me and treats me well and im being dumb for not understanding how relationships work because ive never been in one. one of our friends keeps on thinking we're dating because he noticed how we always do things together, but we just deny it and chalk it up to him butting into our business and us just being besties.
this girl is all the way in canada and im in the uk, it feels so so so embarrassing to admit all this but i seriously need to know either where to go from here or affirmation that im just being stupid and mistaking a basic platonic interaction for something more. she's 15 and i'm 17, which makes me a little worried if thats a weird age difference. i fear that being a mentally ill teenager has messed up my perception of romance and im idolising a girl on the internet who i may never be anything more with, maybe my autism is ruining how i view all this too. maybe my brain is taking these roleplays as real, maybe it is just platonic to talk about wanting to shower and kiss and cuddle with a girl you see as just a friend, i dont know!!!!! i fear maybe meeting a girl on the internet who treats me - an ftm guy - as any other dude but also as her closest friend is just driving me a little insane as someone who has had friendship problems in the past.
im really stuck since i dont want to lose a friendship thats so valuable to me emotionally and in every other way, especially one ive worked hard to cultivate and even took a big step in beginning in the first place. im lost and embarrassed and id take any word of advice that anyone could come up with.
though i could confidently say a month ago that we were just really good friends, i feel ashamed to admit that my emotions have perhaps heightened to something more than that. gosh im so embarrassed to admit most of this but we do romantic roleplays aswell, sometimes nsfw and even that's a consistent thing we do daily now. we're really really close and we've expressed how neither of us has met anyone that we align with as much as the other person and send little heartwarming tiktoks to eachother from time to time. we've both seen eachothers faces, heard eachother's voices, know eachother so well. she's all i think about, even when im around irl friends, when im in class, its like shes occupying every little thought in my mind.
i appreciate this girl so much that i prioritise her over literally everyone in my life. when irls ask to call, id much rather talk to her. her timezone is 5 hours behind mine and i stay up until 5am on holiday nights to talk and hangout on call with her. even worse, ive been falling behind on schoolwork just thinking about this sweet, pretty and funny girl i talk to online.
thing is, ive never been in a romantic relationship before, not a completely certain one with a name on it. even worse, not an online one in particular. two of my irl friends are in online relationships with their two girlfriends and i get so so so jealous of them because i feel like i want that so so so bad with this girl it hurts. i feel stupid, like maybe its just because i met a fellow autistic person who has the same interests as me and treats me well and im being dumb for not understanding how relationships work because ive never been in one. one of our friends keeps on thinking we're dating because he noticed how we always do things together, but we just deny it and chalk it up to him butting into our business and us just being besties.
this girl is all the way in canada and im in the uk, it feels so so so embarrassing to admit all this but i seriously need to know either where to go from here or affirmation that im just being stupid and mistaking a basic platonic interaction for something more. she's 15 and i'm 17, which makes me a little worried if thats a weird age difference. i fear that being a mentally ill teenager has messed up my perception of romance and im idolising a girl on the internet who i may never be anything more with, maybe my autism is ruining how i view all this too. maybe my brain is taking these roleplays as real, maybe it is just platonic to talk about wanting to shower and kiss and cuddle with a girl you see as just a friend, i dont know!!!!! i fear maybe meeting a girl on the internet who treats me - an ftm guy - as any other dude but also as her closest friend is just driving me a little insane as someone who has had friendship problems in the past.
im really stuck since i dont want to lose a friendship thats so valuable to me emotionally and in every other way, especially one ive worked hard to cultivate and even took a big step in beginning in the first place. im lost and embarrassed and id take any word of advice that anyone could come up with.