Painful Pleasure

[keelynking]

I have two major problems with sex right now and because of them i am feeling very disconnected to my partner and my own body. Well first, I have been having sex for about a year and a half now. I am 17 and I am on birth control. I have had three partners total and each one of them were averaged sized. Every time i have sex it feels as if I'm losing my virginity. the pain stays right at my entrance and sometimes i have to go a week or two without sex for the pain to go away. The pain only shows when my partner is entering me with himself or his fingers. And if I am lucky enough to wait out those 1-2 weeks where the pain goes away i can't have sex for very long because the pain will come back. This has caused a lot of problems. One, I don't feel a desire for sex anymore and I cannot finish. I have never had a guy be able to make me finish sex or oral sex. I can't seem to get there and all it's doing is making me frustrated and even though my partner is 100% supportive and understanding I know it bothers him. He suggested that the birth control could be causing a lack of desire which can cause pain if I'm not turned on for sex. This is causing me a lot of stress and I'm scared it's not going to go away. Even if you cant give me an answer, any resources for help will be greatly appreciated!!

[Sam W]

Hi keelynking,

So, for starters, if you haven't read this article, it's the place to start:
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

One of the more common reasons that sex is painful or uncomfortable is that there is not enough lube being used. That's a pretty easy addition to make, so if you haven't been using lube, or not using very much, try upping the amount. And, lack of arousal or tension can also be a culprit. Finding ways to relax or go slower when being sexual might also help you out (and making sure that there is not something you worried about in regards to the sex that's making you tense up).

[Heather]

I also want to ask if you have checked in with your sexual healthcare provider -- likely the person who prescribes your BC -- about any of this. If not, I'd say it's past time to do so. You want to know, after all, if this is about a physical condition where treatment is required (or where a provider thinks changing your BC may help, though it doesn't sound likely to me that's the issue here) or if this is something more based on sexual behaviours where you can DIY it