Hello Hauuri,
I’m going to try and go question by question. If you end up wanting to split these different questions up into different posts, that might make sense!
I mentioned this on text, but it is super important that whatever you are using to masturbate is not also being used for another purpose, and isn’t shared with someone who doesn’t know it’s shared. AKA, the toothbrush you use should be retired from toothbrush duties. And if you are still using your mom’s dildo, it is time to get one for yourself, that is safe for anal use (has a flared base).
Are you currently using any lube when playing with the dildo? That is going to be a very important part of comfort and safety when inserting anything into your anus. When something hurts, that’s a good sign to stop or change what you are doing. I think a few of your questions, and some more stuff that is just good to know, will be addressed here:
Happy Anal Health & Pleasure Month!
And here:
How to Play With Toys: Dildos
Lube, condoms, and a small variety of toys can often be found in drugstores or retailers that sell other health/wellness products. For teenagers living at home, this can be more private than mail, if you are worried about your parents opening a package you don’t want them to.
For cleaning: there is some personal preference involved here, but generally, the places where you would insert a dildo or other toy is the anus and rectum, which is not where poop is stored (that is the bowels). Waste does pass through these areas, so there can be small amounts of waste that show up. It shouldn’t be getting “everywhere,” but a few things you can try is to do this experimentation after you’ve had a bowel movement, take a shower, and use a condom over the dildo so that any mess can be thrown out and easier to clean. More info on this here:
Should I use an enema?
And my favorite on crushes:
Puppy Love: The Do's & Don'ts of Crushes (With Help from a Very Small Dog). Talking to her is going to be a good first step! Have you talked much before?