Scarleteen

I'm sure I don't have a g-spot and that should be fine for me because I'm a trans man and I don't want anything up my vagina, except I think I maybe have some kind of internalised misogyny that says I must be willing to take cock in my vagina, so I keep trying to find my g-spot just in case I hadn't done it right before. I want to know how I can stop that compulsion.

Basically, when I was first learning to masturbate, I would finger myself but I never felt anything from doing that so I stopped trying and decided I needed something bigger. So when I got my hands on a singular condom, I put a dildo-shaped thing up my vagina and... still felt nothing. I wanted to try again, but I was too scared to buy condoms. Oh and also, it had been pretty painful to get up there. I have never been able to put in tampons because it hurts, and it hurt the whole time I had a pelvic exam. I think the entrance hurts but the inside is numb, and it might be caused by my gender dysphoria, I dunno. Anyway, these days I know how to get myself aroused first and then it doesn't hurt when I put things inside.

When I was 18, I got myself a dildo and tried again inside my vagina. Nothing. I remember one time I was so determined to make myself orgasm that I wouldn't allow myself to stop thrusting it into myself until I came, but I never did because I wasn't feeling anything expect probably some kind of masochistic pleasure. And when I gave up, I pulled it out of myself, discovered it had blood all over it (not period blood), and cried.

By that point, I was sure that I don't have a g-spot, but I wanted to keep trying just in case I had been doing it wrong. Maybe it needs another angle. So even though I really don't want anyone up there ever, and every time I try to penetrate myself, I just get upset and frustrated, I keep trying.

Honestly I feel like I'm more likely to have a prostate because I feel more pleasure from anal, but I don't think I have a prostate either because I can't orgasm from that either. One time I was pegged by my partner and then she was frustrated with herself for not making me cum, but I was never gonna cum from anal, I can only cum from clitoral stimulation. And the closest I've gotten to orgasming from vaginal was when I put a dildo up my arse and up my vagina at the same time, and for once I actually felt some pleasure in my vagina, but I still had to finish myself off by rubbing my clit (and for the record, double penetration and clitoral stimulation gave me no better of an orgasm than I get from just clitoral stimulation). Also, I had been on testosterone for 6 months at that point and apparently you grow prostate cells or something on testosterone, so maybe I was just digging into my prostate cells or something, I dunno.

So yeah, again, I don't wanna have vaginal sex when I'm on the receiving end. I don't even wanna masturbate vaginally. So how do I get over this compulsive need to keep trying?

Hi ripplesinapond,

I don’t want to understate the importance of this, so I’m going to start with it- it sounds like the compulsive behavior you’re engaging in is both physically and emotionally hurting you. That is something that a mental health professional would be helpful with. While I will share some more information about some of the things you shared, your question here is about stopping a compulsion, which is not something that we are equipped to address like a therapist would be.
Does that make sense?


Additionally, I do think reading about sexual anatomy is going to be helpful to you. A great place to start is with this article: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

The G Spot is part of the internal clitoral system. The clitoris is much larger than just what we see externally. There are a lot of nerve endings in the anus, and pelvic muscles are connected, which is one reason why anal insertion might feel good (or great) for those without a prostate. I did find a few studies that show very small amounts of “prostatic metaplasia” in transmasc folks taking testosterone for 4+ years, which is not the creation of a prostate gland. At least from my quick research, it doesn’t seem like that prostatic tissue is nerve rich or is found to be stimulatable.

BUT, any kind of stimulation that comes from a foundation of forcing oneself to feel good, is likely not going to feel good at all. Rather than draw any conclusions about your anatomy or whether you are doing something right or wrong, it is likely time to get some intervention from a mental health professional.