Scarleteen

Hello, I’m a 22yo heterosexual male who is on my last straw when it comes to dating. Between the anxiety, poor social skills, swiping on apps, I’ve never made it outside of the talking phase. In fact I was ghosted and blocked yesterday. I live in a small town, I’m very lonely watching my friends and family with there partners live there life. I have stability and everything I could dream of. I’ve tried meetups, new hobbies and still nothing. I’m too scared and anxious for cold approaches and feel it would go poorly. I just want to date. I’m so frustrated.

Hi adkfisherman and welcome to the boards!

I want to start by saying your feelings are valid and not uncommon. Dating can be very difficult and is unique in how we may often experience emotions like rejection or loneliness. I hear you that you feel "left out" around couples in your life.

We have an article and an advice column I think could be helpfu for you. They don't fit your situion exactly, but I think they'll offer up helpful anwsers to your question. Would you be willing to give them a read?

How to Change A Pass/Fail Dating Mindset

Why won't anyone date me?

I have before and it doesn’t really answer my questions. I get the feeling that I’m just beating the same dead horse and will never get something out of trying to date.

What would you say your questions are explicitly? Within dating there is not one recipe for success, instead there are things we can do to open ourselves up to opportunities for connections. It sounds like you've be doing a lot of those things already!

At the end of the day, there is an aspect of dating that relies on actions besides your own. We can never control other people's thoughts or feelings, nor would we want to!

It may seem like everyone in your life has it all figured out but I can assure you that is not true. You are still so young and will have lots of time and opportunities to foster the type of relationship you are looking for.

Would it help to talk through the loneliness you are feeling or how focusing on selfcare could be helpful?

I don’t know where to meet women. Or how to approach and talk to them without coming off as creepy. Living in a small town it’s even harder

I would challenge you to think of meeting women, who you'd want to date, as the same as how you meet/have met friends. At the very start, dating is really about meeting someone you are interested in getting to know more about.

When it comes to coming of "creepy" what are your fears specifically? Have you gotten that feeling from people in the past. It is often pretty simple to not bring up topics that make people feel creeped out (for example sexual comments).

How do you feel about what I said above about giving up control a bit when thinking of dating?